Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#54: How to Own Your Sh*t Without Losing Yourself
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Mocktails Or Messy podcast
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Catching Up Over Rosé
Speaker 1Hey , hey , what the helly , what the helly , what the helly , what the helly , what the helly , what the helly , what the helly .
Speaker 2Dude , I feel a little buzz . Did I grab the wrong glass ? I hope not .
Speaker 1Welcome to Mocktails are Messy . This is Kelly Musgorski .
Speaker 2And Ryan Frankofsky .
Speaker 1We are so excited to be back together again . Yes , so last episode was your first solo . Tell me how that went .
Speaker 2It was nerve-wracking , kelly . I needed to bounce ideas off of my bestie and it was . It was just like I was rambling and I was thinking of you the whole time , like you being like okay , get to the point , what , what are you doing ?
Speaker 1you're like going off into so many tree branches well , I like how you called me a feral raccoon and you said I was smelly Kelly . So thanks , thanks a lot for that .
Speaker 2I mean , you were just a little bit feral and you were a little bit smelly and I was just trying to like maybe exaggerate for the show .
Speaker 1Sure Okay yeah . I mean it's probably not much of an exaggeration .
Speaker 2I had gone three days with no shower water because it was just cold water and yeah , you're not gonna shower , I'm like you know like I did do , for your information .
Speaker 1I did do a birdie bath , did like a quick little thing , um with the cold water . Okay , because I know you said , oh , would it have hurt her to take a birdie bath .
Speaker 2I know that was a little bit like . I think I jumped the gun on that one and after I said it I'm like , oh my God , she probably did do like the little wipe ease or something like the little like what are they called ?
Speaker 1Like baby wipes .
Speaker 2Baby wipes yeah , because you have a baby .
Speaker 1I do have a baby .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Anyways , we are having Rose all day .
Speaker 2Yes , let's go . Lisa vanderpump inspired us . We were watching a little bit vanderpump rolls and , like vanderpump , villa filmed in paris .
Speaker 1So I'm gonna have the prism found this at whole foods on our way over here , because we are always flying by the seat of our pants . Yeah , and if I , if I'm being honest and candid , it took a lot for me to get out of the house today .
Speaker 2I was going to say you were throwing so many curveballs , what was I going to pick you up ? Are you going to get dropped off ? I don't have a car right now . It's been a number of reasons that it's been flying out of the seat of your pants .
Speaker 1It's been a out of the seat of your pants . It's been a lot , it's been tough . I'm just like so stressed out my , my hair is falling out but it looks so pretty , it looks longer I recently got my hair done and instead of like the bleach you know , the highlights like I normally get , I did the . I did like I just toned it . So I'm a little darker now , um , but I'm like you know what .
Speaker 1I'm already losing enough hair . I can't bleach it and I don't know well , the outfit is looking awesome , thank you .
Speaker 2Can you do a little twirl ? Stand up , show us what's going on . I love the powder blue with a little bit of vintage vibe .
Speaker 1A little orange . You did a good job . You picked this out for me at tj maxx right I know , hey , she's a max and easter .
Speaker 2Guys don't get it twisted , we do not judge . Well , I mean we're like . I will say this I got is scotch and soda . It's a . It's one of my favorite brands . Uh , rag and bone , scotch and soda . They're a little bit pricey , I mean for for most people , I think , including myself like it's expensive , but this was found at marshalls .
Speaker 1Okay , I do want to say you and your mom are so cute , so I don't know if it's like a weekly or bi-weekly thing , but him and his mom they do these little like shopping trips together , like bargain shopping and like tj maxx marshalls , and all of a sudden I know what's happening . My phone will be like ding , ding , ding , ding , ding .
Speaker 1It's all these pictures and videos of like outfits and he's like do you want this one ? Do you want this one ? How about this one ? And so you've been doing all of my clothes shopping for me , and I appreciate that .
Speaker 2Well , cheers to you , let's cheers to being your stylist , your what else am I ? Your podcast host . I mean , I guess you've been like my therapist , so we'll , like you know , we're bartering services , cheers bitch . Let's go , let's fucking go .
Speaker 1Let's go ho . So yeah , speaking of therapist .
Speaker 2How's that wine ?
Speaker 1Oh , I didn't try it . I'm so bad . I always cheers and then I don't take the sip .
Speaker 2That's bad luck .
Speaker 1Oh my God , Okay here .
Speaker 2Get that shit down , that pipe .
Speaker 1It's good .
Speaker 2It's a good rosé . Do you want to try mine or you don't like the mix ?
Speaker 1No , thank you .
Speaker 2Okay . So this is really the best right now . Whenever you're trying to grab something quick non-alcoholic rose all day , it is the geeseon zero percent new zealand rose de-alcoholized .
Speaker 1I learned how to say that word de-alcoholized I like how the color is exactly the same , though , as like the alcohol one . It's like exactly the same , so that is a good sign .
Speaker 2It is a good sign and the nice thing about this mocktail , if you will , 45 calories per serving , 100 calories per bottle . We don't really care about the calories . If you're a nutrition person , it's more about the sugar and the carbohydrates . So carbohydrates nine grams per serving Whole bottle , 19 grams per serving . For the carbohydrates , Sugar six grams . That's not bad . Six grams for a glass . Compared to everything else , that's out there .
Speaker 1I'm going to try yours and see what it is like compared to 13 grams for the whole bottle of sugar . Oh , okay , that is better than you would expect . That might be my favorite um non-alcoholic wine , I've tried right like it tastes the most true yes , so I've tried them all . Yeah , that's better than not all of them , yeah but this is it's .
Speaker 1It's not dry , dry , but it's drier than most non-elks yeah it tastes like the real deal , like if I was 21 and you gave that to me in a cup , I'd probably start acting drunk after five minutes because yeah , right , I would like think it was real I know , recently I did have a bottle whenever my parents met the boy , the boyf the boy friend
Meeting the Parents & Mocktail Talk
Speaker 1. Yeah , what did you say ? Boy , boyf , boyf , is that what you call ?
Speaker 2it B-O-Y-F Boyf , boyf .
Speaker 1Okay , that's kind of cute .
Speaker 2Yeah , he's the boyf .
Speaker 1Okay , so how did that go ?
Speaker 2It went better than I expected . I mean , I was a little nervous because I'm thinking to myself like we've been putting it off for a couple weeks , yeah , of weeks , or like that momentum was building . I was a little nervous just because , you know , whenever you like want to make the best impression and they make the best impression , and then also you want , like you know , your father to behave because he's a little bit of uh , you know he's like outlandish , he gets a little naughty , yeah , like he says like such crazy outlandish stuff I love that about him .
Speaker 2Yes , yes , you either love stevie monster or there's people that cannot stand him because he's not afraid the wrong way . Yes , we love him , because maybe he's just been like papa bear to you and me he's papa bear .
Speaker 1He's taking care of us . He has taught both of us so many lessons oh , my god for sure .
Speaker 2Like he lives by , like the dave ramsey , financial freedom , you know , like he's successful , he's built his business . Like I mean , I think some people would probably look at him as , like you know , mr , like frugal cheat skate oh , he's giving me so much financial advice .
Speaker 1Did I listen to any of it ?
Speaker 2probably no yeah , I know you want to like you really do you see that there is like sense behind it , right ? But I'm not gonna listen .
Speaker 1His number one rule for me he was like never buy a brand new car , like buy a used car , and I , like almost all of my cars , have been brand new I know you are bad .
Speaker 2Okay , I've listened to him on the car thing I've bought every car in cash , but I've you know , I've had some beaters and then I've also like not had a car , I've been just like driving other people's cars well , you didn't need one in la oh no .
Speaker 2I surprisingly like , whenever you think about it , like that was the reason I moved , because I was like , okay , I don't want a car , I love living in new york . But then I found out from people living in west hollywood and beverly hills . They were like uber is so cheap and like you can just stay in that little vicinity , you don't have to like venture out skirt we were talking about . We were talking about something more important the boy , yes so tell me how it was .
Speaker 1Were people doing the mocktails ? Did it get messy ?
Speaker 2well , like , let's get it down to like the nitty-gritty , oh , let's do it okay .
Speaker 2So I have been really impressed by the boy , if not really wanting to drink , because he knows that I don't drink so he's been , like you know , very like just sober , curious and into like just doing , like not drinking , weekends , and so this was like the first time in a long time that I saw him like have some wine and have some vino and let loose , and he was having a good time and my mom was having cosmos , and so he was like well , this is like the perfect , you know , time to just kind of have a couple and like sit back and relax . And then , I think , by the end of the night , he was like oh my god , relax . And then , I think , by the end of the night , he was like , oh my god . Like you know , I think I had half of the bottle and I'm like , well , that's no big deal . Like you know , I'm driving no big thing . And then , of course , somebody decides to like get political stevie monster okay and I'm just like why are we talking about politics ?
Speaker 1let me guess he finished the bottle .
Speaker 2I mean you're gonna have to ask him . I don't know if I'm allowed to like divulge that information .
Speaker 1Yes , he did just like you do sometimes you just bottoms up because you just start like checking out of the situation .
Speaker 2So I get it yeah , like when you're like dealing with something that you're like , oh , oh God , we're talking politics . I guess I have another glass of wine .
Speaker 1Yeah , or like you know for you , what do you do to get out to dodge those situations , now that you're a mocktail king ?
Speaker 2It's been stressful . I remember I had to deal with somebody on the regular , like maybe once a week or like every two weeks the regular , like maybe once a week or like every two weeks and I'd be like running to sunoco to get that fucking kratom shot that feel free . I know , and that was fucking with me . Remember I had this like come to jesus moment . I was like kelly , what is this like ? What is this feeling ?
Speaker 2yeah like I don't like it because it's like it's good , but then it's also like it makes you feel like kind of like it's like an anxiety thing like I was relying on , like running to sonoko to get this feel-free kratom shot . So I don't know , I will we'll talk about that in another episode but like I really think that people got to be careful with that feel-free kratom I'm not even gonna try it yeah , you didn't try it .
Speaker 2Whenever we had it on um with russ , like episode three , he brought it on and I thought it was great , but I did feel buzzed .
Speaker 1That's just I'm just not gonna go there . That sounds so weird to me and like I know that my body doesn't react well to like cbd and I know that that's not cbd , but like I don't know what other things my body isn't going to react well with , so I'm just not going to even make it a variable .
Speaker 2Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , no , I mean I think that it's totally like just when you're considering , like I was talking to somebody today and they're like do you do AA ? Like have you ever done it ? And I was like I did do it when I was in LA , because it was kind of like church , like just because I was not really sober but my trainer was , and then I also had a lot of sober friends . I was starting to get like a hold of like finding that there was a lot of successful people in Hollywood and even like just in LA , like lawyers , producers , directors that were all going to AA yeah , lawyers , producers , directors that were all going to AA . And I was like I want to be around these people and I might not be sober yet , but I was like encouraged or inspired by these successful people that were going to church .
Speaker 1That's awesome . Okay , so what is your fun fact of the day ? Do you have one ?
Speaker 2I started to use Chad GBT as a therapist . That you encouraged me to do good for you .
Speaker 1I mean , yeah , what is it ? Have you , uh , how's it been working ?
Speaker 2well , it's weirdly like satisfying , like they're telling you , like it makes you feel like you're not like crazy and it's like you're thinking it through , like it's always like that positive reinforcement when you're asking a question , like as in , like you're trying to be a patient and the chat gpt is super validating like of your feelings .
Speaker 1I agree and I do actually ask . When I , whenever I'm using chat gpt as a therapist , I do ask it to play like devil's advocate and , like I'm like you know what , I can't see the other side as well , like if it's like a problem I'm having with somebody like what is it you think that like ? Yes they're thinking and it'll just tell me and I'm like okay , I already could have guessed that . So it's super validating and I like I just it's confidence building almost I didn't know how did you think to even start ?
Speaker 2did you google it , or did you find somebody that was doing it ?
Speaker 1I mean I just did it . I'm alone with my kids all the time and my husband's not always there , sometimes like it's late at night and I just deep in thought and I was like I'm just gonna ask like chat gpt if I'm struggling with something and it's just like always is helpful for me am I saying ?
Speaker 2am I saying it right ?
Speaker 1chat g p t yes , what did it sound like ?
Speaker 2I said I think I was saying chat g b t oh it's p yeah , it's p okay , I messed up guys it's chat , g , p , t . Oh my gosh , it doesn't surprise you , right ? What's your fun fact of the ?
Speaker 1day I have . Well , I want you to guess . Okay , what animal can hold their breath longer a sloth or a dolphin .
Speaker 2So the original thought is dolphin , but it does have that hole on its head , and I'm going to say a sloth .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh . Okay , so sloth , it can slow its heart rate so much that it can hold its breath up to 40 minutes underwater and a dolphin can only hold its breath for like 10 minutes .
Speaker 2Okay , and what is a sloth ?
Speaker 1It's those like slow , like monkey thingies that like they got those little hooks and they climb the trees .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think they're in Madagascar .
Speaker 1Probably , or maybe not , I don't know . Maybe that's another one , I actually don't know .
Speaker 2Now that you say a sloth , I just wanted people to know for the audience a sloth , you had described it right , I think everyone knows what a sloth is , but yeah , I actually don't know where they live . I don't know . Everyone knows what a sloth is , but yeah , I actually don't know . I mean , I'm not that like
Protecting Your Peace & Setting Boundaries
Speaker 2animal person . I wouldn't like think like , oh , it's automatically like that guy .
Speaker 1That's like a monkey in the tree You're hilarious , hilaire .
Speaker 1So , no , I miss you . I miss you so much and I feel like you've been kind of like distant . You know , like I used to assume if a friend is like quiet or distant , it meant that like I did something wrong and I'd like spiral , make it all about me and I'd get like weird . But now I kind of like pause , I check in and I remember like not everything is about me and like sometimes people are just going through like life and the best thing I can do is like love them and not take it personally . I know you've just been so busy with like work that I feel like we haven't been like talking that much .
Speaker 2I know , and honestly I do think , that we both are slammed with work , kids , new relationship and trying to balance our family . Like we are really involved with our family . Like you know , being the the eldest , I think that we definitely , you know , want to be involved as much as possible and I think they rely on us to , like you know , even you like organizing something . You were like , hey , I had to like tell people , to like reach out to other people . Like you know what I mean with communication right ?
Speaker 1no , I know you've been so busy and I know you've been like doing um , like work with your dad and and even my mom .
Speaker 2Like I've been trying to take care of her as much as I can because , like you know , the foot thing , she had foot surgery right right and so I think that it's just been .
Speaker 2But I will say the new relationship , like I used to have a lot more free time and I was up your ass a lot , right , and even I don't know like now that you're closer to my parents , like we were going to be able to like do so much more , and I think it's also to your renovation . I'm not going to like hang out there while you're doing renovation . I know I'm living in a work zone right now , but it was amazing to spend time with the author and be out on your path . Like your outdoor space is like amazing . Space is amazing . I can't wait till the warm weather happens . Then we'll be spending a lot more time together .
Speaker 1Right , exactly .
Speaker 2All right , Kelly . What's good with you lately .
Speaker 1Honestly , I've kind of stopped sharing the exciting stuff going on in my life .
Speaker 2Wait , what that's not like you .
Speaker 1I know , I just why , I don't know .
Speaker 1It's like it's not that I'm not like proud of it all , I'm just um realizing like not everybody wants to like see you win . So , like you know , sometimes you share like good news and there's like silent or like silence or like you know , awkward , like fake congratulations and like I just like pretend not to notice the energy , but it's like people's energy has been really affecting me lately . So I'm really trying to like protect myself . I'm going through like a self healing phase in my life right now .
Speaker 2Yeah , I've noticed that and I do think that is so real . It's like you drop these little nuggets of like just you got the article and then , like you're excited about like sharing that , Like that's a huge like thing , Like we both didn't expect to have like an article and like on top of it , just like you know , the podcast is like hitting so many milestones but like Suddenly people go mute and it's like with the weirdest one-liners I know , it's so fucking weird .
Speaker 2Even the boyfriend thing . It was like wait what ? I can't talk about that because you don't have somebody in your life , not you .
Speaker 1No .
Speaker 2I remember that , yeah , yeah , it's like I'm excited to share and then somebody's like well , they go directly to like well , you know , like I'm going away and , like you know , blah , blah , blah . Like you know , I'm just going to go on like the apps . I'm like wait , when did this become about you ?
Speaker 1Right , like you share something exciting and someone like flips it around on them , like I feel like there's like red flags , right , so it's like we need green flags . It's like if you're like , if you talk to someone and it just like feels off after you talk to them , like do you know what I'm talking about ? Like , yeah they like , and then it's almost like sometimes , like they want to hear about the bad shit , like they perk up when you say , oh , I'm having a bad day . Oh , I want to hear about it .
Speaker 1And then it's like when I'm having a good day , they don't want to hear about that .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , people think that I'm super la la land I'm sure you even too like just like super optimistic . They just like want to talk , smack about , like , oh well , they're only interested if , like , you're having a rough day right , because they want to see you fucking fail and we're not going to name any names here but like you know , we're cleaning out the trash I love the filtration system . I love the brita of life right you have to like .
Speaker 2Protect yourself like you have to protect your peace because nobody's gonna do it for you you have to protect your own peace no , and I've noticed in the past that like it has been fun , like somebody even recently said to me they're like you don't have that many friends , and I was like well , it's by choice . Like I don't really have relationships with people that are surface , or that people that were party friends or people that just like want to get together to just like talk about what the . The pleasantries like remember we I was dying when you were talking about the small talk is fine for business , it's fine for you know , maybe it's fine for like Grammy and Grandpa , but even then I'm like pleasantries Like why are we talking about the weather ? Why are we talking about stupid shit ?
Speaker 2So like you know you leave these like chats that you feel so like dim , like your light was dim or like they were like kind of draining your energy , and I was like thinking to myself after leaving these chats I was like am I being too much ? Like when is reality ? You were just like being like happy , like in reality . You were just like being like happy , like in reality .
Speaker 2You were just being happy right but like , maybe I was being too exuberant or maybe I'm being too like lovey-dovey happy like about this new chapter in my life .
Speaker 1No , they just want to dim your light and we're not gonna . We're not gonna do that we're gonna keep our little candlelight burning .
Speaker 2Yes , flickering , flicker , I don't know I feel like everyone has gone through this .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , Just trying to shine light on it .
Speaker 2Especially with people that you can't necessarily run from .
Speaker 1Right ,
Anxiety, Panic Attacks & Self-Care Techniques
Speaker 1oh my gosh . Yes , that's the toughest one . You know , I think that I've had so many good things happen lately , like I've moved to my dream house and then , and I had so much good news to share , and now , like I'm going through a hard time because my basement flooded . We had to like rip out the walls , the ceiling , Like it's a lot .
Speaker 1I had belongings down there that the wrote weren't boxes that I hadn't unpacked yet that are damaged like some sentimental items and now I just am living in more of a construction zone , which is not comfortable , especially when you're raising two children and you have like five indoor animals and it's just a lot . So you know I've had a lot going on lately and you know , if chaos had like a fan club , I'm like the president right now so true like , when you're in that space , you start to notice the little things that either help or , like , really don't help , right ? So I don't know what's gonna help you .
Speaker 1What's gonna help you you know , something that like low-key , low-key , like makes me feel worse and not better is when people like don't ask how you're doing . They just assume like oh , you must be feeling better now , like , oh , you're sleeping again , I'm sure that you feel better , and it's like wait , like what chapter of my life did you read that in ?
Speaker 2Yeah , they just don't really give a fuck . Yeah , I did sleep good last night , but that doesn't mean I'm doing better .
Speaker 1It's like you're painting this narrative to my life and like I'm realizing who actually gives a fuck and who is just going through the motions per se , like yes , I'm curious what you guys all think about this .
Speaker 2Do you have anybody that you come out of conversation and you feel a little bit drained because you're like they , they just are , you know , low energy , negative . Or they like love to hear about the drama or the gossip they really don't care about ? Like the accomplishments or positive things in your life , like I get it has to be a two way street . I think sometimes , when people are going through the ringer and they just feel like somebody else , such as yourself , are like kind of hitting these milestones , these big , you know , new , exciting chapters in your life , that they're just like not in the place to be celebratory . So I think you know , given devil's advocate , maybe it's just they don't know how to , like you know , be happy when they're going through the hard time . Because I think a lot of times you know you have to be real and vulnerable and be honest and like wear your heart on your sleeve so then you can move past it .
Speaker 1Express yourself and allow other people to express themselves . Don't just wrap a bow around it and say they're good , like actually listen and allow people to express themselves . 't just wrap a bow around it and say they're good , like actually listen and a lot of people to express themselves . I've just felt very like trapped inside myself lately , like that's why I've like turned to chat gpt . I'm like am I crazy ?
Speaker 2no , no , you're not . You're valid to feel those things , you know being a mother of two and even like being like in charge of a whole house and being able to , like , just you know , run things and like organize holidays , and I mean Mother's Day is coming up and you know you deserve to have , like you know , a little celebration . Thank you , you're doing a good job . I mean you know you're positive .
Speaker 1Fine , I just it's just a pet peeve . You know you're positive , I just it's just a pet peeve and like , I'm just asking , like can we normalize actually asking people how they're doing and being okay with the answer if it isn't wrapped in a bow ? I know and like sometimes you don't have to say anything , right like sometimes people just want someone to listen and like feel like just empathize with them a little bit .
Speaker 2Oh yeah .
Speaker 1So they're not alone . Nobody wants to feel alone .
Speaker 2Well , and you know prime example , like with my mom going through the foot surgery . It's like she , the circumstances cannot change . It is what it is right now , and so for somebody to just show up and just talk it out and like , be okay that it's not okay , get a little emotional , give somebody a hug , yeah , and just be able to be present being present .
Speaker 1I think that that is the word that's . That means the world to a lot of people . I I guess some people are different , or everybody's wired differently .
Speaker 2Well , I think Dan Berta said it best in episode one If people would just be honest with what's going on in their head .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2Instead of trying to put this facade of smoke and mirrors , oh my gosh , I will never forget that he said it best .
Speaker 2Best , stop lying to yourself , stop trying to create this narrative that everything's perfect in my life and I feel bad for you or this sucks , but then it's like you know . You really have to just be vulnerable and honest and , like you know , be optimistic . You were a prime example of the best way to handle a flooding in a basement . You were like , smiling and you're like thank you so much for coming . It was the moral support and guess what that's ?
Speaker 2all insurance is going to cover it . And guess what , Even if it wasn't , it's like you're not going to not get it fixed because of mold .
Speaker 1Right ? No , I think you know you were so happy , I am happy and everything is great . It's just I don't think my body knows the difference between , like , good stress and bad stress , and like with the move .
Speaker 1I haven't allowed myself to sit down in like probably three months , like if my kid is , if my son is like taking a nap . I am like rushing around to do other things and I've realized that I have like set . I've sent my nervous system into an overdrive , which is why my hair is falling out . It's why I'm having like panic attacks yeah like it's , I'm slowing down now , guys , and I'm protecting my peace . Because , like I , everything is great , but like I , have driven myself into not the best place .
Speaker 1Like I'm sorry so no , I want to just encourage people to like sit down and take five minutes for themselves , like each day , each and every day , so that you don't send yourself into overdrive like I have can you describe the panic attack ?
Speaker 1yes , so I could be just like driving or just sitting there and all of a sudden I like it's like I cannot get oxygen , it's like I cannot get air into my lungs and it's like I'm air hungry and I'm like trying to breathe but I can't get a full breath and I start getting a little lightheaded . Vision gets a little blurry . I've noticed one thing that like helps is looking at one like spot , like ahead , and turning my head like side to side while I keep my eye on that spot . That helps kind of like start to calm my nervous system . Um , and then another thing I've started to like practice is let me see what it's called . It's eft tapping , so it's emotional freedom technique . It's like a Chinese medicine type of thing . I don't know if medicine is the right word .
Speaker 1It's like yeah , so like you basically just take like your pointer finger and your index finger and your middle finger and you just like tap these like pressure points or whatever they are , and it slowly starts to calm your nervous system down . It does feel good and some spots are a little tender and I just tap those into a little more like and then the tenderness kind of goes away and you go like forehead side of like beside your eye .
Speaker 2Oh my god , that feels weird under your eye under your nose .
Speaker 1You do your chin . You can do the top of your eye Under your nose , you do your chin . You can do the top of your head . You do your collarbone and then you do like the outsides of your hands and I've been doing that every day and it kind of like resets your nervous system .
Speaker 2You think positive thoughts while you're doing it and I am coming out of this , like I'm starting to come out of this guys it sounds hokey , like I probably would have thought that five years ago I would have been like oh , that's bullshit yeah , like what a wackadoodle do .
Speaker 1What is she talking ?
Speaker 2about . I like it . I kind of dig it . You're gonna have to send me that I will .
Speaker 1Yes , I have a little like screenshot of it , like yeah , I'll send it to you I literally like lost it on the phone today because I just had a car .
Speaker 2That is like , basically , they don't have any loaners and my trunk needed to get fixed . And they're like so we opened up your trunk , but we need to buy a part and so you can't drive it . And it's like every day is like another day , like oh , sorry , the part should be in tomorrow . And it's like then the part's not in tomorrow . Then it's like , oh , it should be in the next day . It's like I don't know if it's just they don't want to tell me the truth , that it's not going to get done until this weekend . And then it's like , even then it's like they're like but we'll get it to you by this weekend . I'm like , and it's almost friday . We were talking like you just be real , be up front with me and say that it's not gonna get done until friday , but they just don't know . And so I literally like hung up the phone because I was trying to keep it together and I was like I went like this fuck and I'm like so many people saw me in the parking lot .
Speaker 1And I'm like wait .
Speaker 2Why did I need to do that ? I didn't need to scream fuck .
Speaker 1No , you did . You had to release that like pent up feeling .
Speaker 2Yeah , I know it's okay to scream .
Speaker 1There was one time when my daughter was like a baby she's like almost five now she wouldn't , she would not take her nap , and I was like my husband was away . I was like starting to like not be able to handle it , so I just like put her in her crib and I went outside . I had some acreage and I just screamed at the top of my lungs outside that's amazing . I'm like I don't even give a fuck if the neighbors think I'm crazy .
Speaker 2That's kind of amazing .
Speaker 1It made me feel better . I composed myself , I went back in .
Speaker 2Oh , my God .
Speaker 1But yeah , I kind of like it .
Speaker 2It is fun Like we we joked about it in like the pandemic , Me and my brother were stuck in the house for like 36 hours because , like I think , we just for some reason didn't go outside and it was cold or whatever and we just started screaming and we called it scream therapy .
Speaker 1And it's true , it's true . Or just literally punching a pillow . Sometimes you just need to like beat the crap out of a pillow . Sometimes , like I get , that rage and I'm like it's better the pillow like than somebody's face Right .
Speaker 2You would never do that . You're not a fighter , you're a lover . Actually , sometimes I do that . You're not a fighter , you're a lover . Actually , sometimes I think that you should do boxing maybe I'll get into it . Yeah
Career Priorities & Finding Balance
Speaker 2, yeah , for sure , I love a good box session , but you know real talk . I mean , I think that you just really are finding who you are . This is like your forever home .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2You are in the school district . You're not moving schools . You don't have to deal with private school anymore .
Speaker 1Life's a journey . You're always going to be discovering things about yourself .
Speaker 2Yeah , for sure , I think .
Speaker 1even just being a year and a half , almost sober , I'm still just figuring out who I am yeah , I mean I hope to still be finding out who I am when I'm like in my 70s .
Speaker 2I don't ever want to be like , okay , this is who I am right , that's like so close-minded it is , and I think that's probably what generations past have just kind of accepted well , yeah , it's like oh , yeah , but maybe that's fine for them uncle henry .
Speaker 1He's just a creep like it's okay , he's family , so we'd accept him out who he is right like it's just like you're like . You have to just accept it and it's like I feel like we're beyond that now .
Speaker 2I know , I think that's what the big uproar is with .
Speaker 1That's the big uproar with our generation versus our parents and grandparents .
Speaker 2I think our generation is more about self-improvement and not putting up with the bullshit . Yeah , we're not going to accept that crazy right Right .
Speaker 2It's like no , Uncle Henry is a creep creep and I'm gonna stay away from him because he stares at my tits and it makes me uncomfortable , like I'm gonna stay away from him you're so funny , well , and I think too like I always like wanted to drink to fit in with certain people in my family , because it was just like a way of life , and then I'm finally like putting my foot down and I'm saying like no , like this is who I am .
Speaker 2I do not like you need to accept me for who I am but then they kind of like , almost like I've noticed a shift in the pleasantries and the niceties . There's no like we need to have a conversation because maybe we just don't have anything in common yes , absolutely .
Speaker 1I think I saw a funny reel I think I sent you the reel . It was like , that , friend , that you meet at a party . They're like talking your ear off and then you run into them , like out in public . You're like hey and they're just like cold and they they're like a different person when they're not drinking alcohol .
Speaker 2Um , and it's like the guy was like saying like whenever they're like oh my god , we should hang out tomorrow you're like so cool , I didn't realize how much fun we would have and then it's like the sober version would just be like hi yeah , drinking friends are so much different than real friends and I feel like you know , in college I thought I had like a hundred friends , but they were all just like drinking friends and I don't even know if I would have anything in common with them if I wasn't like
Speaker 2drinking with them oh for sure , like I even think to myself like now that I've been in like a new relationship , I was like I probably would have never even thought of like this person being like a match back in the day right because I was a little got their head on too straight .
Speaker 2Yeah , they have their head on too straight for the old ryan oh yeah , yeah , like the old ryan wanted , like crazy , messy wild like exuberant , like chaos , like I probably in some fucked up weird way I like wanted that soap opera drama , but like funny , not like serious , and like dark . Totally I wanted that like crazy soap . You know life I hear ya I mean yeah , sometimes when things are too perfect , it gets , but then we can understand why the people that are coming for the dimness of the light there is that element . If it's too positive and too happy , it can be like flat for them and boring .
Speaker 1Sure , sure . But okay , here's something . Since we're getting like vulnerable today and real , I do want to like fess up to something that is real and that I feel really bad about .
Speaker 2Um did you do a boo-boo ? Did you make a boo-boo ?
Speaker 1this has to do with you and I want your take on it . Um , I want your take on it because I think that this is like a learning experience for everybody , because this is something I like didn't really think through and I felt really bad .
Speaker 1So there was this moment when I asked Ryan if he wanted kids and immediately I felt like really dumb for asking , like not because the question was bad , but because I realized I wasn't thinking about what that question might mean coming from a straight woman to a bisexual male who's in a male relationship .
Speaker 1I remember this question yeah , like it just really hit me how many times like have you been asked that and like that might be like painful because , like I know , at one point you said like if you were ended up with a woman that you did want children , oh , for sure .
Speaker 2I was like I want four or two . You know Even numbers . Three , maybe I mean three's , like you know .
Speaker 1Yeah , so like I don't know , it's like I don't want to ask painful questions for some , because there's like a lot more that goes into this right .
Speaker 2Yeah , like now that I think about it , how hard I work and the amount of money that it will cost for adoption and even surrogacy it will cost for adoption and even surrogacy . I'm like wait my friend Danny . He said that he paid $250,000 for one child , so he has two .
Speaker 1Are you kidding ?
Speaker 2me . So then he's basically stating that he has paid $500,000 for two designer babies . He claims that the egg was 90,000 per . So like this , this egg . And so then it's just like my head is spinning . I'm like , so wait , I don't even mind , like I would love to adopt , but then it's kind of like one of those situations that's even costly . And then it's like you have to get on a list and this is like it's so much , it's like a process . So it's like you have to get on a list and this is like it's so much , it's like a process . So it's like for you , as a heterosexual couple , you have the luxury of like . Okay , well , maybe if we have them , it's great , if you don't , it's it's also not a bad call , because you know we're overpopulated and they're so expensive . But do you know ? You , it's .
Speaker 2It's just like there is something everybody says as a mother and a father , I've never heard anybody say they regret it . They're always saying , even if they did , they wouldn't admit it . But I would say , 90 of the people that I've talked to that have , including yourself , there is nothing like it . And you , it's just . You have this love and this , just this passion for your little one and you just like you can't like describe the mother love and even a father's love , I mean mother's stronger it's like you're , it's it was growing inside of you , but like there is just like nothing better than seeing your little one grow older and see them just mature and like advance and you're , you know you're , you're just that kind of unconditional love really exists with a kid .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah and like , for all intents and purposes , I was , I , I got pregnant yeah I didn't have to pay a dime . The insurance covered it exactly like I didn't realize how privileged I was until I asked you that question yeah and realized , like it's not like that easy for you . Yeah , I think it's not so straightforward .
Speaker 2I think if you have a ton of disposable income , it's just such an easy . Think about it . You look at the people that maybe can't get pregnant , and then they have a surrogate and they have a ton of disposable income . And then even the gays . Even my Aunt Rita , her nephew in Philadelphia , has two kids and , like I don't know what they spent , they're both teachers too right , so I feel very thankful , like that .
Speaker 1You gave me grace and yeah that you weren't , like you know , upset with me for being such an airhead about that type of thing well , I know you always it coming from a good place .
Speaker 2But , like , I think , as my life has shifted , you know , there is that moment in time where you're like okay , so like I'm 34 and the person that I'm with is , you know , almost 40 . So , like , these are the times to really like get it out of there in the open and be like are we going to , is that something in the future , is that something that you want ? And then they don't , and I kind of did . I was on the fence , but I also was like this is where my brain went . I only want a kid , and this is not a good thing . I only want I have the ability to have a full-time nanny , which means that you don't really want to be committed to raise them , right , which is not a reason to have children , right .
Speaker 1I mean , yeah , it's a huge commitment .
Speaker 2Well , I'm just thinking to myself like do you ever see ? You know what ?
Speaker 1You've never even had , like it's a huge commitment . Well , I'm just thinking to myself like , do you ever see , you know what You've never even had like a dog ?
Speaker 2I know . Well , I think it's just like you know what it was and I remember this with Mish . They did not like this about my . I was answering these questions for this reality show and it was an audition and it was something about like like , my career is number one , it comes before anybody else , it's my priority , blah , blah , blah . It's like , but like it was just like all about like wanting to make the career as like number one before anyone else , even a partner and they were like , wow that he was .
Speaker 2He was a little like , really like , not even me . Like you want , your career is number one and I'm number two or number three , and it's for some people and we know those people their significant other is their number one rider dot , like , and , and I think it should be for whatever makes sense , but for me it's always going . I came into this life by myself . I obviously had a family , but you come in by yourself and the most important person should be yourself .
Speaker 2And if your career is important , or if your physique is important , or if your certain I don't know like you're . You know certain , like I don't know lifestyle I . What am I trying to say , kelly ?
Speaker 1I'm starting to feel that it's like what are you not putting yourself first , then you're not showing up your best version for everybody else that's in your life , so you do need to like . Definitely put yourself first right take care of yourself first . That's why I'm so run down . I've been putting everybody ahead of me and I'm done doing that . I mean , obviously , if my kid needs to eat I'm gonna feed my kid before I feed myself . Let's wind down . Let's wind down , are we ?
Speaker 2whining down . I love winding down with you all of the stress .
Speaker 1Let's talk about our routines . How are we keeping the stress down ? Um , one of my favorite drinks now at night is just like a tart cherry juice with like a splash of sparkling water . It kind of like calms me down and I bought that magnesium like calm drink that I do sometimes have you , you've had that .
Speaker 2I love it you like magnesium . I do , yeah , it is like this it's so good instant , I know and it doesn't give me that crazy neurotic behavior running to Sunoco for kratom magnesium is like calming but not addictive right , I haven't done like the ashwagandha or like reishi tea .
Speaker 1We probably have you .
Speaker 2I think I did , because it's in this . Little Saints , you sent me the shark tank clip . That Little Saints went on oh did you get it ? Well , so Cinco de Mayo of 2024 . I can't believe this is the last time . Is it the last time I saw my other bestie , Jonathan ?
Speaker 1I was going to say who , but it's okay , jonathan . It's okay , there's room for you .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , it's the last time . I can't believe it's the last time I saw him . That doesn't make sense . No , no , no , no , no . I saw him recently at the Oscars . But no , no , no , no , no . I saw him recently at the Oscars , but the time that I went to Cinco de Mayo he was such an all-star and he showed up with his Little Saints and it had the reishi . It was like a tequila alternative .
Speaker 1Yeah , did you like it ?
Speaker 2You know it tasted funky , but I liked the feeling . It just felt just very minimal .
Speaker 1Now I know with your sobriety you are like staying away from things that are kind of altering how you feel to like to a certain extent , like you do , drink caffeine again .
Speaker 2You took a little pause . I took a month and a half off .
Speaker 1Would you do reishi now like ?
Speaker 2so I want to look it up , I want to be careful .
Speaker 1You're doing more research now , yeah yeah , I'm doing more research .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , I think the thing is you have to be careful you're doing more research now .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , I'm doing more research .
Speaker 2yeah , yeah , I think the thing is you have to be careful , but then I'm also not in a position to be like oh my god , I'm gonna like fucking relapse . Like we were talking about this last night on a zoom with , um , some non-elk people and they were like they call it zebra-ing . So like when somebody goes to the bar and they're like they're having mocktails and they might have a drink to like just in between . So like with a zebra person , it would be like yourself , you're going to be more mindful , because maybe you want to drive home or maybe you want to be like really clear tomorrow , so you're going to have like a real cocktail , but then you're going to have a non-elk . So like with me being sober , I think to myself , like with the reishi and the lion's mane and all that , I'm not going to be so restrictive , even with caffeine , but I'm also going to like do my research , like with the kratom , and I'm like OK , wait , I don't like this feeling of like , I need it .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's never good .
Speaker 2Right . It's not good like at all , but because I've been there , I've been there , I've been there , trust me , oh yeah , but like , oh my god , we all have been like after work , you're like , oh , I need a drink .
Speaker 1Like it's been a stressful week you're listening to the radio right and the song is like pour me a drink or whatever and it's like the bargain tipsy to go to the bargain tipsy . Now it's like no like
Staying Grounded & Celebrating Milestones
Speaker 1don't let the mind control happen um . But I don't know , I've been loving like olipop and like probiotic drinks because it's like oh , and I was saying probiotic , but it's prebiotic oh , there's prebiotic . Yes , there is prebiotic , stuff too , oh okay poppy's pre okay , what's the ?
Speaker 2pro and the pre . I was trying to figure it out .
Speaker 1I don't know there's prebiotics and probiotics . Um , I think we've talked about it .
Speaker 2I think we did , we forgot I just like .
Speaker 1Uh , that's why we're airheads um epsom salt baths . Do you do baths ?
Speaker 2you know what I need to get back into it .
Speaker 1I miss it do you have a tub to soak ?
Speaker 2I do , I think I just don't feel like I want , like you gotta make the time you do have to make the time , yes , um and I said something to the boy . I was like we gotta do that sometimes so relaxing and they were like yeah , whenever we get a big tub I know that's the problem . Like well , you have a big ass tub now . Yeah , I have yet to use . But you didn't in the last place .
Speaker 1No , I did not so . I can finally take a bath , and I need to do it . I miss it . I feel like there's nothing that kind of like calms me down more than an Epsom salt bath .
Speaker 2I feel like the outdoor shower is going to be magical .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh , yes , I have an outdoor shower shower . I will be taking outdoor showers , listening to the crickets , I love that's the best feeling nature um , and then god stretching . I've been stretching now yes and that totally has changed you has changed , I think , like I haven't had an anxiety attack since I've like been stretching and yeah , like taking walks and just taking care of myself . Keep nurturing yourself , guys .
Speaker 1Don't wait until you are kind of like having panic attacks and stuff yeah or feeling like crap , like you need to keep up with it , because that's just something I didn't understand . I just kept pushing and pushing , and pushing until , like I don't want to do something irreparable to like my health because I'm pushing myself too hard .
Speaker 2Yeah , I do think that is important because I don't want you to have a panic attack and I don't want you to like you know , I don't want to have to like come over there and you'd be like defeated . I don't , I don't think you would do that , but you just never know , when you have so much on your mind and you have so much responsibility , like I really have no responsibility , responsibility well , you did say like one time you kind of you did have a panic attack .
Speaker 1What was that like for you ?
Speaker 2I had it in like pandemic and it was just like I think I was coming off of like a bender , of like drinking so much , not knowing where my life was , and like you know how , like when you have like the hangover like later , it's not like in the morning , like it's one thing in the morning , it's like , okay , you have like greasy food or you just push through your work day definitely had a lot of those in new york .
Speaker 2But when I like had the hangover happen like later at night , that's weird and then I think I just was dehydrated and I was also like what is going on with my life ? Like it was like the anxiety and how did it feel like ?
Speaker 1were you having trouble , like taking an air , like I was , or like what was your kind of like symptoms ?
Speaker 2I think I was just like . My mind was racing like bad thoughts oh , wow and I . I can't even really pinpoint what the bad thoughts were .
Speaker 1I think I was just like oh my god , what happening is my life like I'm just like I can't be here right now .
Speaker 2I need to be back in la . I was in pittsburgh and I was like what am I doing with my life ? I'm a fucking loser . And um , yeah , it was a lot to go through your head at that point , at 30 . Wait , no , I was 29 . I was 29 . Yeah , that makes sense . And so another thing I was turning 30 and I was like what the fuck ?
Speaker 1That was crisis mode for me as well .
Speaker 2Yes , it's a weird time in your life , same with probably people that are like 39 or 49 . You're hitting that big next milestone and if you're not where you want to be , you're going to panic , or you're . Maybe you hope you don't have a panic attack , but I definitely felt like it was close to it .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , you used to be so flighty . I feel like you would . Just , it's like this isn't working , so you would like dart off to the next thing so fast you were so unpredictable and I feel like you've never been so grounded , like , yeah , when you moved here two years ago , almost two years ago .
Speaker 2I didn't think I was gonna stay .
Speaker 1I didn't a year and a half ago , I guess , I was like okay , he's going to be December 20th of 2023 . I thought you'd be gone in three months . Really , I thought there's no way he's staying here .
Speaker 2Aunt Reagan said the same thing and I was like I don't think so .
Speaker 1I'm so glad that you're here still , but I just I totally thought you were a flight risk . When we started this podcast I thought I'm not pouring too many eggs into this basket with him , because he's going to be gone into the next city . Well , you sure fooled me .
Speaker 2You really fooled me because you went all in and I think you going all in actually grounded me and truly I got to thank you . I love you for that . You definitely grounded me for that . I love you for that . You definitely grounded me for that . And also like sobriety , and also just even realizing , as I got older , family is so important .
Speaker 2It's like number one for me career or I need to be somewhere where it's gay friendly or bi-friendly or LGBTQ . Plus , when I moved back , I was like wait , I can live and work in Shadyside , I can do like I can sell and , like you know , I can do real estate , I can do podcasting , I can be close to my family , I can hop on a plane to Miami or LA for work and it's like it just is the best of all worlds .
Speaker 2I don't want to say both worlds , because there are multiple worlds that are colliding with , like our podcast , with you having a big you know real estate milestone for my career and for yours , like we have gone through so much in our 20 plus years of friendship and that's crazy to see this like evolve into like over 50 000 followers .
Speaker 2I mean we have to celebrate to that . Like we are actually fucking living in the present , in the now , and we are doing everything we can to spread this mission . That , like you really can get messy with the mock tailers , get mock tailed with the messy you know we really do want to like , talk about , like ourselves in our debaucherous past so we can grow from it and let's bring it all together .
Speaker 1We love to talk about it and , yes , thank you so much for the 50,000 followers on instagram and the multiple downloads of the episodes between spotify apple even buzz sprout youtube . Thank you so much um you guys really we're I mean , we're here , we're going to keep doing this .
Speaker 2We want you guys to be entertained . We want to educate you . We want to be vulnerable . We want you to come on . We want you to be involved . Yes , yes , we want to spread this message of mocktails or messy .
Speaker 1This is Ryan Frankowski and Kelly Msgorski have a good night Cheers .
Speaker 2Cheers , or day or morning . Don't drop that , don't drop that don't drop , that don't drop that don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that . Don't drop that , don't .
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