Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#54: How to Own Your Sh*t Without Losing Yourself
Mocktails Or Messy podcast
IG: @mocktailsormessy | TikTok: @mockmess
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Hey, hey, what the helly, what the helly, what the helly, what the helly, what the helly, what the helly, what the helly.
Speaker 2:Dude, I feel a little buzz. Did I grab the wrong glass? I hope not.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Mocktails are Messy. This is Kelly Musgorski.
Speaker 2:And Ryan Frankofsky.
Speaker 1:We are so excited to be back together again. Yes, so last episode was your first solo. Tell me how that went.
Speaker 2:It was nerve-wracking, kelly. I needed to bounce ideas off of my bestie and it was. It was just like I was rambling and I was thinking of you the whole time, like you being like okay, get to the point, what, what are you doing?
Speaker 1:you're like going off into so many tree branches well, I like how you called me a feral raccoon and you said I was smelly Kelly. So thanks, thanks a lot for that.
Speaker 2:I mean, you were just a little bit feral and you were a little bit smelly and I was just trying to like maybe exaggerate for the show.
Speaker 1:Sure Okay yeah. I mean it's probably not much of an exaggeration.
Speaker 2:I had gone three days with no shower water because it was just cold water and yeah, you're not gonna shower, I'm like you know like I did do, for your information.
Speaker 1:I did do a birdie bath, did like a quick little thing, um with the cold water. Okay, because I know you said, oh, would it have hurt her to take a birdie bath.
Speaker 2:I know that was a little bit like. I think I jumped the gun on that one and after I said it I'm like, oh my God, she probably did do like the little wipe ease or something like the little like what are they called?
Speaker 1:Like baby wipes.
Speaker 2:Baby wipes yeah, because you have a baby.
Speaker 1:I do have a baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyways, we are having Rose all day.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's go. Lisa vanderpump inspired us. We were watching a little bit vanderpump rolls and, like vanderpump, villa filmed in paris.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna have the prism found this at whole foods on our way over here, because we are always flying by the seat of our pants. Yeah, and if I, if I'm being honest and candid, it took a lot for me to get out of the house today.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you were throwing so many curveballs, what was I going to pick you up? Are you going to get dropped off? I don't have a car right now. It's been a number of reasons that it's been flying out of the seat of your pants.
Speaker 1:It's been a out of the seat of your pants. It's been a lot, it's been tough. I'm just like so stressed out my, my hair is falling out but it looks so pretty, it looks longer I recently got my hair done and instead of like the bleach you know, the highlights like I normally get, I did the. I did like I just toned it. So I'm a little darker now, um, but I'm like you know what.
Speaker 1:I'm already losing enough hair. I can't bleach it and I don't know well, the outfit is looking awesome, thank you.
Speaker 2:Can you do a little twirl? Stand up, show us what's going on. I love the powder blue with a little bit of vintage vibe.
Speaker 1:A little orange. You did a good job. You picked this out for me at tj maxx right I know, hey, she's a max and easter.
Speaker 2:Guys don't get it twisted, we do not judge. Well, I mean we're like. I will say this I got is scotch and soda. It's a. It's one of my favorite brands. Uh, rag and bone, scotch and soda. They're a little bit pricey, I mean for for most people, I think, including myself like it's expensive, but this was found at marshalls.
Speaker 1:Okay, I do want to say you and your mom are so cute, so I don't know if it's like a weekly or bi-weekly thing, but him and his mom they do these little like shopping trips together, like bargain shopping and like tj maxx marshalls, and all of a sudden I know what's happening. My phone will be like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Speaker 1:It's all these pictures and videos of like outfits and he's like do you want this one? Do you want this one? How about this one? And so you've been doing all of my clothes shopping for me, and I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Well, cheers to you, let's cheers to being your stylist, your what else am I? Your podcast host. I mean, I guess you've been like my therapist, so we'll, like you know, we're bartering services, cheers bitch. Let's go, let's fucking go.
Speaker 1:Let's go ho. So yeah, speaking of therapist.
Speaker 2:How's that wine?
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't try it. I'm so bad. I always cheers and then I don't take the sip.
Speaker 2:That's bad luck.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Okay here.
Speaker 2:Get that shit down, that pipe.
Speaker 1:It's good.
Speaker 2:It's a good rosé. Do you want to try mine or you don't like the mix?
Speaker 1:No, thank you.
Speaker 2:Okay. So this is really the best right now. Whenever you're trying to grab something quick non-alcoholic rose all day, it is the geeseon zero percent new zealand rose de-alcoholized.
Speaker 1:I learned how to say that word de-alcoholized I like how the color is exactly the same, though, as like the alcohol one. It's like exactly the same, so that is a good sign.
Speaker 2:It is a good sign and the nice thing about this mocktail, if you will, 45 calories per serving, 100 calories per bottle. We don't really care about the calories. If you're a nutrition person, it's more about the sugar and the carbohydrates. So carbohydrates nine grams per serving Whole bottle, 19 grams per serving. For the carbohydrates, Sugar six grams. That's not bad. Six grams for a glass. Compared to everything else, that's out there.
Speaker 1:I'm going to try yours and see what it is like compared to 13 grams for the whole bottle of sugar. Oh, okay, that is better than you would expect. That might be my favorite um non-alcoholic wine, I've tried right like it tastes the most true yes, so I've tried them all. Yeah, that's better than not all of them, yeah but this is it's.
Speaker 1:It's not dry, dry, but it's drier than most non-elks yeah it tastes like the real deal, like if I was 21 and you gave that to me in a cup, I'd probably start acting drunk after five minutes because yeah, right, I would like think it was real I know, recently I did have a bottle whenever my parents met the boy, the boyf the boy friend. Yeah, what did you say? Boy, boyf, boyf, is that what you call?
Speaker 2:it B-O-Y-F Boyf, boyf.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's kind of cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's the boyf.
Speaker 1:Okay, so how did that go?
Speaker 2:It went better than I expected. I mean, I was a little nervous because I'm thinking to myself like we've been putting it off for a couple weeks, yeah, of weeks, or like that momentum was building. I was a little nervous just because, you know, whenever you like want to make the best impression and they make the best impression, and then also you want, like you know, your father to behave because he's a little bit of uh, you know he's like outlandish, he gets a little naughty, yeah, like he says like such crazy outlandish stuff I love that about him.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, you either love stevie monster or there's people that cannot stand him because he's not afraid the wrong way. Yes, we love him, because maybe he's just been like papa bear to you and me he's papa bear.
Speaker 1:He's taking care of us. He has taught both of us so many lessons oh, my god for sure.
Speaker 2:Like he lives by, like the dave ramsey, financial freedom, you know, like he's successful, he's built his business. Like I mean, I think some people would probably look at him as, like you know, mr, like frugal cheat skate oh, he's giving me so much financial advice.
Speaker 1:Did I listen to any of it?
Speaker 2:probably no yeah, I know you want to like you really do you see that there is like sense behind it, right? But I'm not gonna listen.
Speaker 1:His number one rule for me he was like never buy a brand new car, like buy a used car, and I, like almost all of my cars, have been brand new I know you are bad.
Speaker 2:Okay, I've listened to him on the car thing I've bought every car in cash, but I've you know, I've had some beaters and then I've also like not had a car, I've been just like driving other people's cars well, you didn't need one in la oh no.
Speaker 2:I surprisingly like, whenever you think about it, like that was the reason I moved, because I was like, okay, I don't want a car, I love living in new york. But then I found out from people living in west hollywood and beverly hills. They were like uber is so cheap and like you can just stay in that little vicinity, you don't have to like venture out skirt we were talking about. We were talking about something more important the boy, yes so tell me how it was.
Speaker 1:Were people doing the mocktails? Did it get messy?
Speaker 2:well, like, let's get it down to like the nitty-gritty, oh, let's do it okay.
Speaker 2:So I have been really impressed by the boy, if not really wanting to drink, because he knows that I don't drink so he's been, like you know, very like just sober, curious and into like just doing, like not drinking, weekends, and so this was like the first time in a long time that I saw him like have some wine and have some vino and let loose, and he was having a good time and my mom was having cosmos, and so he was like well, this is like the perfect, you know, time to just kind of have a couple and like sit back and relax. And then, I think, by the end of the night, he was like oh my god, relax. And then, I think, by the end of the night, he was like, oh my god. Like you know, I think I had half of the bottle and I'm like, well, that's no big deal. Like you know, I'm driving no big thing. And then, of course, somebody decides to like get political stevie monster okay and I'm just like why are we talking about politics?
Speaker 1:let me guess he finished the bottle.
Speaker 2:I mean you're gonna have to ask him. I don't know if I'm allowed to like divulge that information.
Speaker 1:Yes, he did just like you do sometimes you just bottoms up because you just start like checking out of the situation.
Speaker 2:So I get it yeah, like when you're like dealing with something that you're like, oh, oh God, we're talking politics. I guess I have another glass of wine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or like you know for you, what do you do to get out to dodge those situations, now that you're a mocktail king?
Speaker 2:It's been stressful. I remember I had to deal with somebody on the regular, like maybe once a week or like every two weeks the regular, like maybe once a week or like every two weeks and I'd be like running to sunoco to get that fucking kratom shot that feel free. I know, and that was fucking with me. Remember I had this like come to jesus moment. I was like kelly, what is this like? What is this feeling?
Speaker 2:yeah like I don't like it because it's like it's good, but then it's also like it makes you feel like kind of like it's like an anxiety thing like I was relying on, like running to sonoko to get this feel-free kratom shot. So I don't know, I will we'll talk about that in another episode but like I really think that people got to be careful with that feel-free kratom I'm not even gonna try it yeah, you didn't try it.
Speaker 2:Whenever we had it on um with russ, like episode three, he brought it on and I thought it was great, but I did feel buzzed.
Speaker 1:That's just I'm just not gonna go there. That sounds so weird to me and like I know that my body doesn't react well to like cbd and I know that that's not cbd, but like I don't know what other things my body isn't going to react well with, so I'm just not going to even make it a variable.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I mean I think that it's totally like just when you're considering, like I was talking to somebody today and they're like do you do AA? Like have you ever done it? And I was like I did do it when I was in LA, because it was kind of like church, like just because I was not really sober but my trainer was, and then I also had a lot of sober friends. I was starting to get like a hold of like finding that there was a lot of successful people in Hollywood and even like just in LA, like lawyers, producers, directors that were all going to AA yeah, lawyers, producers, directors that were all going to AA. And I was like I want to be around these people and I might not be sober yet, but I was like encouraged or inspired by these successful people that were going to church.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Okay, so what is your fun fact of the day? Do you have one?
Speaker 2:I started to use Chad GBT as a therapist. That you encouraged me to do good for you.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, what is it? Have you, uh, how's it been working?
Speaker 2:well, it's weirdly like satisfying, like they're telling you, like it makes you feel like you're not like crazy and it's like you're thinking it through, like it's always like that positive reinforcement when you're asking a question, like as in, like you're trying to be a patient and the chat gpt is super validating like of your feelings.
Speaker 1:I agree and I do actually ask. When I, whenever I'm using chat gpt as a therapist, I do ask it to play like devil's advocate and, like I'm like you know what, I can't see the other side as well, like if it's like a problem I'm having with somebody like what is it you think that like? Yes they're thinking and it'll just tell me and I'm like okay, I already could have guessed that. So it's super validating and I like I just it's confidence building almost I didn't know how did you think to even start?
Speaker 2:did you google it, or did you find somebody that was doing it?
Speaker 1:I mean I just did it. I'm alone with my kids all the time and my husband's not always there, sometimes like it's late at night and I just deep in thought and I was like I'm just gonna ask like chat gpt if I'm struggling with something and it's just like always is helpful for me am I saying?
Speaker 2:am I saying it right?
Speaker 1:chat g p t yes, what did it sound like?
Speaker 2:I said I think I was saying chat g b t oh it's p yeah, it's p okay, I messed up guys it's chat, g, p, t. Oh my gosh, it doesn't surprise you, right? What's your fun fact of the?
Speaker 1:day I have. Well, I want you to guess. Okay, what animal can hold their breath longer a sloth or a dolphin.
Speaker 2:So the original thought is dolphin, but it does have that hole on its head, and I'm going to say a sloth.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Okay, so sloth, it can slow its heart rate so much that it can hold its breath up to 40 minutes underwater and a dolphin can only hold its breath for like 10 minutes.
Speaker 2:Okay, and what is a sloth?
Speaker 1:It's those like slow, like monkey thingies that like they got those little hooks and they climb the trees.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think they're in Madagascar.
Speaker 1:Probably, or maybe not, I don't know. Maybe that's another one, I actually don't know.
Speaker 2:Now that you say a sloth, I just wanted people to know for the audience a sloth, you had described it right, I think everyone knows what a sloth is, but yeah, I actually don't know where they live. I don't know. Everyone knows what a sloth is, but yeah, I actually don't know. I mean, I'm not that like animal person. I wouldn't like think like, oh, it's automatically like that guy.
Speaker 1:That's like a monkey in the tree You're hilarious, hilaire.
Speaker 1:So, no, I miss you. I miss you so much and I feel like you've been kind of like distant. You know, like I used to assume if a friend is like quiet or distant, it meant that like I did something wrong and I'd like spiral, make it all about me and I'd get like weird. But now I kind of like pause, I check in and I remember like not everything is about me and like sometimes people are just going through like life and the best thing I can do is like love them and not take it personally. I know you've just been so busy with like work that I feel like we haven't been like talking that much.
Speaker 2:I know, and honestly I do think, that we both are slammed with work, kids, new relationship and trying to balance our family. Like we are really involved with our family. Like you know, being the the eldest, I think that we definitely, you know, want to be involved as much as possible and I think they rely on us to, like you know, even you like organizing something. You were like, hey, I had to like tell people, to like reach out to other people. Like you know what I mean with communication right?
Speaker 1:no, I know you've been so busy and I know you've been like doing um, like work with your dad and and even my mom.
Speaker 2:Like I've been trying to take care of her as much as I can because, like you know, the foot thing, she had foot surgery right right and so I think that it's just been.
Speaker 2:But I will say the new relationship, like I used to have a lot more free time and I was up your ass a lot, right, and even I don't know like now that you're closer to my parents, like we were going to be able to like do so much more, and I think it's also to your renovation. I'm not going to like hang out there while you're doing renovation. I know I'm living in a work zone right now, but it was amazing to spend time with the author and be out on your path. Like your outdoor space is like amazing. Space is amazing. I can't wait till the warm weather happens. Then we'll be spending a lot more time together.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly.
Speaker 2:All right, Kelly. What's good with you lately.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I've kind of stopped sharing the exciting stuff going on in my life.
Speaker 2:Wait, what that's not like you.
Speaker 1:I know, I just why, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's like it's not that I'm not like proud of it all, I'm just um realizing like not everybody wants to like see you win. So, like you know, sometimes you share like good news and there's like silent or like silence or like you know, awkward, like fake congratulations and like I just like pretend not to notice the energy, but it's like people's energy has been really affecting me lately. So I'm really trying to like protect myself. I'm going through like a self healing phase in my life right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've noticed that and I do think that is so real. It's like you drop these little nuggets of like just you got the article and then, like you're excited about like sharing that, Like that's a huge like thing, Like we both didn't expect to have like an article and like on top of it, just like you know, the podcast is like hitting so many milestones but like Suddenly people go mute and it's like with the weirdest one-liners I know, it's so fucking weird.
Speaker 2:Even the boyfriend thing. It was like wait what? I can't talk about that because you don't have somebody in your life, not you.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I remember that, yeah, yeah, it's like I'm excited to share and then somebody's like well, they go directly to like well, you know, like I'm going away and, like you know, blah, blah, blah. Like you know, I'm just going to go on like the apps. I'm like wait, when did this become about you?
Speaker 1:Right, like you share something exciting and someone like flips it around on them, like I feel like there's like red flags, right, so it's like we need green flags. It's like if you're like, if you talk to someone and it just like feels off after you talk to them, like do you know what I'm talking about? Like, yeah they like, and then it's almost like sometimes, like they want to hear about the bad shit, like they perk up when you say, oh, I'm having a bad day. Oh, I want to hear about it.
Speaker 1:And then it's like when I'm having a good day, they don't want to hear about that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, people think that I'm super la la land I'm sure you even too like just like super optimistic. They just like want to talk, smack about, like, oh well, they're only interested if, like, you're having a rough day right, because they want to see you fucking fail and we're not going to name any names here but like you know, we're cleaning out the trash I love the filtration system. I love the brita of life right you have to like.
Speaker 2:Protect yourself like you have to protect your peace because nobody's gonna do it for you you have to protect your own peace no, and I've noticed in the past that like it has been fun, like somebody even recently said to me they're like you don't have that many friends, and I was like well, it's by choice. Like I don't really have relationships with people that are surface, or that people that were party friends or people that just like want to get together to just like talk about what the. The pleasantries like remember we I was dying when you were talking about the small talk is fine for business, it's fine for you know, maybe it's fine for like Grammy and Grandpa, but even then I'm like pleasantries Like why are we talking about the weather? Why are we talking about stupid shit?
Speaker 2:So like you know you leave these like chats that you feel so like dim, like your light was dim or like they were like kind of draining your energy, and I was like thinking to myself after leaving these chats I was like am I being too much? Like when is reality? You were just like being like happy, like in reality. You were just like being like happy, like in reality.
Speaker 2:You were just being happy right but like, maybe I was being too exuberant or maybe I'm being too like lovey-dovey happy like about this new chapter in my life.
Speaker 1:No, they just want to dim your light and we're not gonna. We're not gonna do that we're gonna keep our little candlelight burning.
Speaker 2:Yes, flickering, flicker, I don't know I feel like everyone has gone through this.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Just trying to shine light on it.
Speaker 2:Especially with people that you can't necessarily run from.
Speaker 1:Right, oh my gosh. Yes, that's the toughest one. You know, I think that I've had so many good things happen lately, like I've moved to my dream house and then, and I had so much good news to share, and now, like I'm going through a hard time because my basement flooded. We had to like rip out the walls, the ceiling, Like it's a lot.
Speaker 1:I had belongings down there that the wrote weren't boxes that I hadn't unpacked yet that are damaged like some sentimental items and now I just am living in more of a construction zone, which is not comfortable, especially when you're raising two children and you have like five indoor animals and it's just a lot. So you know I've had a lot going on lately and you know, if chaos had like a fan club, I'm like the president right now so true like, when you're in that space, you start to notice the little things that either help or, like, really don't help, right? So I don't know what's gonna help you.
Speaker 1:What's gonna help you you know, something that like low-key, low-key, like makes me feel worse and not better is when people like don't ask how you're doing. They just assume like oh, you must be feeling better now, like, oh, you're sleeping again, I'm sure that you feel better, and it's like wait, like what chapter of my life did you read that in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just don't really give a fuck. Yeah, I did sleep good last night, but that doesn't mean I'm doing better.
Speaker 1:It's like you're painting this narrative to my life and like I'm realizing who actually gives a fuck and who is just going through the motions per se, like yes, I'm curious what you guys all think about this.
Speaker 2:Do you have anybody that you come out of conversation and you feel a little bit drained because you're like they, they just are, you know, low energy, negative. Or they like love to hear about the drama or the gossip they really don't care about? Like the accomplishments or positive things in your life, like I get it has to be a two way street. I think sometimes, when people are going through the ringer and they just feel like somebody else, such as yourself, are like kind of hitting these milestones, these big, you know, new, exciting chapters in your life, that they're just like not in the place to be celebratory. So I think you know, given devil's advocate, maybe it's just they don't know how to, like you know, be happy when they're going through the hard time. Because I think a lot of times you know you have to be real and vulnerable and be honest and like wear your heart on your sleeve so then you can move past it.
Speaker 1:Express yourself and allow other people to express themselves. Don't just wrap a bow around it and say they're good, like actually listen and allow people to express themselves. 't just wrap a bow around it and say they're good, like actually listen and a lot of people to express themselves. I've just felt very like trapped inside myself lately, like that's why I've like turned to chat gpt. I'm like am I crazy?
Speaker 2:no, no, you're not. You're valid to feel those things, you know being a mother of two and even like being like in charge of a whole house and being able to, like, just you know, run things and like organize holidays, and I mean Mother's Day is coming up and you know you deserve to have, like you know, a little celebration. Thank you, you're doing a good job. I mean you know you're positive.
Speaker 1:Fine, I just it's just a pet peeve. You know you're positive, I just it's just a pet peeve and like, I'm just asking, like can we normalize actually asking people how they're doing and being okay with the answer if it isn't wrapped in a bow? I know and like sometimes you don't have to say anything, right like sometimes people just want someone to listen and like feel like just empathize with them a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:So they're not alone. Nobody wants to feel alone.
Speaker 2:Well, and you know prime example, like with my mom going through the foot surgery. It's like she, the circumstances cannot change. It is what it is right now, and so for somebody to just show up and just talk it out and like, be okay that it's not okay, get a little emotional, give somebody a hug, yeah, and just be able to be present being present.
Speaker 1:I think that that is the word that's. That means the world to a lot of people. I I guess some people are different, or everybody's wired differently.
Speaker 2:Well, I think Dan Berta said it best in episode one If people would just be honest with what's going on in their head.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Instead of trying to put this facade of smoke and mirrors, oh my gosh, I will never forget that he said it best.
Speaker 2:Best, stop lying to yourself, stop trying to create this narrative that everything's perfect in my life and I feel bad for you or this sucks, but then it's like you know. You really have to just be vulnerable and honest and, like you know, be optimistic. You were a prime example of the best way to handle a flooding in a basement. You were like, smiling and you're like thank you so much for coming. It was the moral support and guess what that's?
Speaker 2:all insurance is going to cover it. And guess what, Even if it wasn't, it's like you're not going to not get it fixed because of mold.
Speaker 1:Right? No, I think you know you were so happy, I am happy and everything is great. It's just I don't think my body knows the difference between, like, good stress and bad stress, and like with the move.
Speaker 1:I haven't allowed myself to sit down in like probably three months, like if my kid is, if my son is like taking a nap. I am like rushing around to do other things and I've realized that I have like set. I've sent my nervous system into an overdrive, which is why my hair is falling out. It's why I'm having like panic attacks yeah like it's, I'm slowing down now, guys, and I'm protecting my peace. Because, like I, everything is great, but like I, have driven myself into not the best place.
Speaker 1:Like I'm sorry so no, I want to just encourage people to like sit down and take five minutes for themselves, like each day, each and every day, so that you don't send yourself into overdrive like I have can you describe the panic attack?
Speaker 1:yes, so I could be just like driving or just sitting there and all of a sudden I like it's like I cannot get oxygen, it's like I cannot get air into my lungs and it's like I'm air hungry and I'm like trying to breathe but I can't get a full breath and I start getting a little lightheaded. Vision gets a little blurry. I've noticed one thing that like helps is looking at one like spot, like ahead, and turning my head like side to side while I keep my eye on that spot. That helps kind of like start to calm my nervous system. Um, and then another thing I've started to like practice is let me see what it's called. It's eft tapping, so it's emotional freedom technique. It's like a Chinese medicine type of thing. I don't know if medicine is the right word.
Speaker 1:It's like yeah, so like you basically just take like your pointer finger and your index finger and your middle finger and you just like tap these like pressure points or whatever they are, and it slowly starts to calm your nervous system down. It does feel good and some spots are a little tender and I just tap those into a little more like and then the tenderness kind of goes away and you go like forehead side of like beside your eye.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, that feels weird under your eye under your nose.
Speaker 1:You do your chin. You can do the top of your eye Under your nose, you do your chin. You can do the top of your head. You do your collarbone and then you do like the outsides of your hands and I've been doing that every day and it kind of like resets your nervous system.
Speaker 2:You think positive thoughts while you're doing it and I am coming out of this, like I'm starting to come out of this guys it sounds hokey, like I probably would have thought that five years ago I would have been like oh, that's bullshit yeah, like what a wackadoodle do.
Speaker 1:What is she talking?
Speaker 2:about. I like it. I kind of dig it. You're gonna have to send me that I will.
Speaker 1:Yes, I have a little like screenshot of it, like yeah, I'll send it to you I literally like lost it on the phone today because I just had a car.
Speaker 2:That is like, basically, they don't have any loaners and my trunk needed to get fixed. And they're like so we opened up your trunk, but we need to buy a part and so you can't drive it. And it's like every day is like another day, like oh, sorry, the part should be in tomorrow. And it's like then the part's not in tomorrow. Then it's like, oh, it should be in the next day. It's like I don't know if it's just they don't want to tell me the truth, that it's not going to get done until this weekend. And then it's like, even then it's like they're like but we'll get it to you by this weekend. I'm like, and it's almost friday. We were talking like you just be real, be up front with me and say that it's not gonna get done until friday, but they just don't know. And so I literally like hung up the phone because I was trying to keep it together and I was like I went like this fuck and I'm like so many people saw me in the parking lot.
Speaker 1:And I'm like wait.
Speaker 2:Why did I need to do that? I didn't need to scream fuck.
Speaker 1:No, you did. You had to release that like pent up feeling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know it's okay to scream.
Speaker 1:There was one time when my daughter was like a baby she's like almost five now she wouldn't, she would not take her nap, and I was like my husband was away. I was like starting to like not be able to handle it, so I just like put her in her crib and I went outside. I had some acreage and I just screamed at the top of my lungs outside that's amazing. I'm like I don't even give a fuck if the neighbors think I'm crazy.
Speaker 2:That's kind of amazing.
Speaker 1:It made me feel better. I composed myself, I went back in.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I kind of like it.
Speaker 2:It is fun Like we we joked about it in like the pandemic, Me and my brother were stuck in the house for like 36 hours because, like I think, we just for some reason didn't go outside and it was cold or whatever and we just started screaming and we called it scream therapy.
Speaker 1:And it's true, it's true. Or just literally punching a pillow. Sometimes you just need to like beat the crap out of a pillow. Sometimes, like I get, that rage and I'm like it's better the pillow like than somebody's face Right.
Speaker 2:You would never do that. You're not a fighter, you're a lover. Actually, sometimes I do that. You're not a fighter, you're a lover. Actually, sometimes I think that you should do boxing maybe I'll get into it. Yeah, yeah, for sure, I love a good box session, but you know real talk. I mean, I think that you just really are finding who you are. This is like your forever home.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You are in the school district. You're not moving schools. You don't have to deal with private school anymore.
Speaker 1:Life's a journey. You're always going to be discovering things about yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, I think.
Speaker 1:even just being a year and a half, almost sober, I'm still just figuring out who I am yeah, I mean I hope to still be finding out who I am when I'm like in my 70s.
Speaker 2:I don't ever want to be like, okay, this is who I am right, that's like so close-minded it is, and I think that's probably what generations past have just kind of accepted well, yeah, it's like oh, yeah, but maybe that's fine for them uncle henry.
Speaker 1:He's just a creep like it's okay, he's family, so we'd accept him out who he is right like it's just like you're like. You have to just accept it and it's like I feel like we're beyond that now.
Speaker 2:I know, I think that's what the big uproar is with.
Speaker 1:That's the big uproar with our generation versus our parents and grandparents.
Speaker 2:I think our generation is more about self-improvement and not putting up with the bullshit. Yeah, we're not going to accept that crazy right Right.
Speaker 2:It's like no, Uncle Henry is a creep creep and I'm gonna stay away from him because he stares at my tits and it makes me uncomfortable, like I'm gonna stay away from him you're so funny, well, and I think too like I always like wanted to drink to fit in with certain people in my family, because it was just like a way of life, and then I'm finally like putting my foot down and I'm saying like no, like this is who I am.
Speaker 2:I do not like you need to accept me for who I am but then they kind of like, almost like I've noticed a shift in the pleasantries and the niceties. There's no like we need to have a conversation because maybe we just don't have anything in common yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I think I saw a funny reel I think I sent you the reel. It was like, that, friend, that you meet at a party. They're like talking your ear off and then you run into them, like out in public. You're like hey and they're just like cold and they they're like a different person when they're not drinking alcohol.
Speaker 2:Um, and it's like the guy was like saying like whenever they're like oh my god, we should hang out tomorrow you're like so cool, I didn't realize how much fun we would have and then it's like the sober version would just be like hi yeah, drinking friends are so much different than real friends and I feel like you know, in college I thought I had like a hundred friends, but they were all just like drinking friends and I don't even know if I would have anything in common with them if I wasn't like
Speaker 2:drinking with them oh for sure, like I even think to myself like now that I've been in like a new relationship, I was like I probably would have never even thought of like this person being like a match back in the day right because I was a little got their head on too straight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have their head on too straight for the old ryan oh yeah, yeah, like the old ryan wanted, like crazy, messy wild like exuberant, like chaos, like I probably in some fucked up weird way I like wanted that soap opera drama, but like funny, not like serious, and like dark. Totally I wanted that like crazy soap. You know life I hear ya I mean yeah, sometimes when things are too perfect, it gets, but then we can understand why the people that are coming for the dimness of the light there is that element. If it's too positive and too happy, it can be like flat for them and boring.
Speaker 1:Sure, sure. But okay, here's something. Since we're getting like vulnerable today and real, I do want to like fess up to something that is real and that I feel really bad about.
Speaker 2:Um did you do a boo-boo? Did you make a boo-boo?
Speaker 1:this has to do with you and I want your take on it. Um, I want your take on it because I think that this is like a learning experience for everybody, because this is something I like didn't really think through and I felt really bad.
Speaker 1:So there was this moment when I asked Ryan if he wanted kids and immediately I felt like really dumb for asking, like not because the question was bad, but because I realized I wasn't thinking about what that question might mean coming from a straight woman to a bisexual male who's in a male relationship.
Speaker 1:I remember this question yeah, like it just really hit me how many times like have you been asked that and like that might be like painful because, like I know, at one point you said like if you were ended up with a woman that you did want children, oh, for sure.
Speaker 2:I was like I want four or two. You know Even numbers. Three, maybe I mean three's, like you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so like I don't know, it's like I don't want to ask painful questions for some, because there's like a lot more that goes into this right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like now that I think about it, how hard I work and the amount of money that it will cost for adoption and even surrogacy it will cost for adoption and even surrogacy. I'm like wait my friend Danny. He said that he paid $250,000 for one child, so he has two.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding?
Speaker 2:me. So then he's basically stating that he has paid $500,000 for two designer babies. He claims that the egg was 90,000 per. So like this, this egg. And so then it's just like my head is spinning. I'm like, so wait, I don't even mind, like I would love to adopt, but then it's kind of like one of those situations that's even costly. And then it's like you have to get on a list and this is like it's so much, it's like a process. So it's like you have to get on a list and this is like it's so much, it's like a process. So it's like for you, as a heterosexual couple, you have the luxury of like. Okay, well, maybe if we have them, it's great, if you don't, it's it's also not a bad call, because you know we're overpopulated and they're so expensive. But do you know? You, it's.
Speaker 2:It's just like there is something everybody says as a mother and a father, I've never heard anybody say they regret it. They're always saying, even if they did, they wouldn't admit it. But I would say, 90 of the people that I've talked to that have, including yourself, there is nothing like it. And you, it's just. You have this love and this, just this passion for your little one and you just like you can't like describe the mother love and even a father's love, I mean mother's stronger it's like you're, it's it was growing inside of you, but like there is just like nothing better than seeing your little one grow older and see them just mature and like advance and you're, you know you're, you're just that kind of unconditional love really exists with a kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and like, for all intents and purposes, I was, I, I got pregnant yeah I didn't have to pay a dime. The insurance covered it exactly like I didn't realize how privileged I was until I asked you that question yeah and realized, like it's not like that easy for you. Yeah, I think it's not so straightforward.
Speaker 2:I think if you have a ton of disposable income, it's just such an easy. Think about it. You look at the people that maybe can't get pregnant, and then they have a surrogate and they have a ton of disposable income. And then even the gays. Even my Aunt Rita, her nephew in Philadelphia, has two kids and, like I don't know what they spent, they're both teachers too right, so I feel very thankful, like that.
Speaker 1:You gave me grace and yeah that you weren't, like you know, upset with me for being such an airhead about that type of thing well, I know you always it coming from a good place.
Speaker 2:But, like, I think, as my life has shifted, you know, there is that moment in time where you're like okay, so like I'm 34 and the person that I'm with is, you know, almost 40. So, like, these are the times to really like get it out of there in the open and be like are we going to, is that something in the future, is that something that you want? And then they don't, and I kind of did. I was on the fence, but I also was like this is where my brain went. I only want a kid, and this is not a good thing. I only want I have the ability to have a full-time nanny, which means that you don't really want to be committed to raise them, right, which is not a reason to have children, right.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, it's a huge commitment.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm just thinking to myself like do you ever see? You know what?
Speaker 1:You've never even had, like it's a huge commitment. Well, I'm just thinking to myself like, do you ever see, you know what You've never even had like a dog?
Speaker 2:I know. Well, I think it's just like you know what it was and I remember this with Mish. They did not like this about my. I was answering these questions for this reality show and it was an audition and it was something about like like, my career is number one, it comes before anybody else, it's my priority, blah, blah, blah. It's like, but like it was just like all about like wanting to make the career as like number one before anyone else, even a partner and they were like, wow that he was.
Speaker 2:He was a little like, really like, not even me. Like you want, your career is number one and I'm number two or number three, and it's for some people and we know those people their significant other is their number one rider dot, like, and, and I think it should be for whatever makes sense, but for me it's always going. I came into this life by myself. I obviously had a family, but you come in by yourself and the most important person should be yourself.
Speaker 2:And if your career is important, or if your physique is important, or if your certain I don't know like you're. You know certain, like I don't know lifestyle I. What am I trying to say, kelly?
Speaker 1:I'm starting to feel that it's like what are you not putting yourself first, then you're not showing up your best version for everybody else that's in your life, so you do need to like. Definitely put yourself first right take care of yourself first. That's why I'm so run down. I've been putting everybody ahead of me and I'm done doing that. I mean, obviously, if my kid needs to eat I'm gonna feed my kid before I feed myself. Let's wind down. Let's wind down, are we?
Speaker 2:whining down. I love winding down with you all of the stress.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about our routines. How are we keeping the stress down? Um, one of my favorite drinks now at night is just like a tart cherry juice with like a splash of sparkling water. It kind of like calms me down and I bought that magnesium like calm drink that I do sometimes have you, you've had that.
Speaker 2:I love it you like magnesium. I do, yeah, it is like this it's so good instant, I know and it doesn't give me that crazy neurotic behavior running to Sunoco for kratom magnesium is like calming but not addictive right, I haven't done like the ashwagandha or like reishi tea.
Speaker 1:We probably have you.
Speaker 2:I think I did, because it's in this. Little Saints, you sent me the shark tank clip. That Little Saints went on oh did you get it? Well, so Cinco de Mayo of 2024. I can't believe this is the last time. Is it the last time I saw my other bestie, Jonathan?
Speaker 1:I was going to say who, but it's okay, jonathan. It's okay, there's room for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, it's the last time. I can't believe it's the last time I saw him. That doesn't make sense. No, no, no, no, no. I saw him recently at the Oscars. But no, no, no, no, no. I saw him recently at the Oscars, but the time that I went to Cinco de Mayo he was such an all-star and he showed up with his Little Saints and it had the reishi. It was like a tequila alternative.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did you like it?
Speaker 2:You know it tasted funky, but I liked the feeling. It just felt just very minimal.
Speaker 1:Now I know with your sobriety you are like staying away from things that are kind of altering how you feel to like to a certain extent, like you do, drink caffeine again.
Speaker 2:You took a little pause. I took a month and a half off.
Speaker 1:Would you do reishi now like?
Speaker 2:so I want to look it up, I want to be careful.
Speaker 1:You're doing more research now, yeah yeah, I'm doing more research.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think the thing is you have to be careful you're doing more research now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm doing more research.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, I think the thing is you have to be careful, but then I'm also not in a position to be like oh my god, I'm gonna like fucking relapse. Like we were talking about this last night on a zoom with, um, some non-elk people and they were like they call it zebra-ing. So like when somebody goes to the bar and they're like they're having mocktails and they might have a drink to like just in between. So like with a zebra person, it would be like yourself, you're going to be more mindful, because maybe you want to drive home or maybe you want to be like really clear tomorrow, so you're going to have like a real cocktail, but then you're going to have a non-elk. So like with me being sober, I think to myself, like with the reishi and the lion's mane and all that, I'm not going to be so restrictive, even with caffeine, but I'm also going to like do my research, like with the kratom, and I'm like OK, wait, I don't like this feeling of like, I need it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's never good.
Speaker 2:Right. It's not good like at all, but because I've been there, I've been there, I've been there, trust me, oh yeah, but like, oh my god, we all have been like after work, you're like, oh, I need a drink.
Speaker 1:Like it's been a stressful week you're listening to the radio right and the song is like pour me a drink or whatever and it's like the bargain tipsy to go to the bargain tipsy. Now it's like no like don't let the mind control happen um. But I don't know, I've been loving like olipop and like probiotic drinks because it's like oh, and I was saying probiotic, but it's prebiotic oh, there's prebiotic. Yes, there is prebiotic, stuff too, oh okay poppy's pre okay, what's the?
Speaker 2:pro and the pre. I was trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1:I don't know there's prebiotics and probiotics. Um, I think we've talked about it.
Speaker 2:I think we did, we forgot I just like.
Speaker 1:Uh, that's why we're airheads um epsom salt baths. Do you do baths?
Speaker 2:you know what I need to get back into it.
Speaker 1:I miss it do you have a tub to soak?
Speaker 2:I do, I think I just don't feel like I want, like you gotta make the time you do have to make the time, yes, um and I said something to the boy. I was like we gotta do that sometimes so relaxing and they were like yeah, whenever we get a big tub I know that's the problem. Like well, you have a big ass tub now. Yeah, I have yet to use. But you didn't in the last place.
Speaker 1:No, I did not so. I can finally take a bath, and I need to do it. I miss it. I feel like there's nothing that kind of like calms me down more than an Epsom salt bath.
Speaker 2:I feel like the outdoor shower is going to be magical.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, yes, I have an outdoor shower shower. I will be taking outdoor showers, listening to the crickets, I love that's the best feeling nature um, and then god stretching. I've been stretching now yes and that totally has changed you has changed, I think, like I haven't had an anxiety attack since I've like been stretching and yeah, like taking walks and just taking care of myself. Keep nurturing yourself, guys.
Speaker 1:Don't wait until you are kind of like having panic attacks and stuff yeah or feeling like crap, like you need to keep up with it, because that's just something I didn't understand. I just kept pushing and pushing, and pushing until, like I don't want to do something irreparable to like my health because I'm pushing myself too hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do think that is important because I don't want you to have a panic attack and I don't want you to like you know, I don't want to have to like come over there and you'd be like defeated. I don't, I don't think you would do that, but you just never know, when you have so much on your mind and you have so much responsibility, like I really have no responsibility, responsibility well, you did say like one time you kind of you did have a panic attack.
Speaker 1:What was that like for you?
Speaker 2:I had it in like pandemic and it was just like I think I was coming off of like a bender, of like drinking so much, not knowing where my life was, and like you know how, like when you have like the hangover like later, it's not like in the morning, like it's one thing in the morning, it's like, okay, you have like greasy food or you just push through your work day definitely had a lot of those in new york.
Speaker 2:But when I like had the hangover happen like later at night, that's weird and then I think I just was dehydrated and I was also like what is going on with my life? Like it was like the anxiety and how did it feel like?
Speaker 1:were you having trouble, like taking an air, like I was, or like what was your kind of like symptoms?
Speaker 2:I think I was just like. My mind was racing like bad thoughts oh, wow and I. I can't even really pinpoint what the bad thoughts were.
Speaker 1:I think I was just like oh my god, what happening is my life like I'm just like I can't be here right now.
Speaker 2:I need to be back in la. I was in pittsburgh and I was like what am I doing with my life? I'm a fucking loser. And um, yeah, it was a lot to go through your head at that point, at 30. Wait, no, I was 29. I was 29. Yeah, that makes sense. And so another thing I was turning 30 and I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:That was crisis mode for me as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a weird time in your life, same with probably people that are like 39 or 49. You're hitting that big next milestone and if you're not where you want to be, you're going to panic, or you're. Maybe you hope you don't have a panic attack, but I definitely felt like it was close to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you used to be so flighty. I feel like you would. Just, it's like this isn't working, so you would like dart off to the next thing so fast you were so unpredictable and I feel like you've never been so grounded, like, yeah, when you moved here two years ago, almost two years ago.
Speaker 2:I didn't think I was gonna stay.
Speaker 1:I didn't a year and a half ago, I guess, I was like okay, he's going to be December 20th of 2023. I thought you'd be gone in three months. Really, I thought there's no way he's staying here.
Speaker 2:Aunt Reagan said the same thing and I was like I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad that you're here still, but I just I totally thought you were a flight risk. When we started this podcast I thought I'm not pouring too many eggs into this basket with him, because he's going to be gone into the next city. Well, you sure fooled me.
Speaker 2:You really fooled me because you went all in and I think you going all in actually grounded me and truly I got to thank you. I love you for that. You definitely grounded me for that. I love you for that. You definitely grounded me for that. And also like sobriety, and also just even realizing, as I got older, family is so important.
Speaker 2:It's like number one for me career or I need to be somewhere where it's gay friendly or bi-friendly or LGBTQ. Plus, when I moved back, I was like wait, I can live and work in Shadyside, I can do like I can sell and, like you know, I can do real estate, I can do podcasting, I can be close to my family, I can hop on a plane to Miami or LA for work and it's like it just is the best of all worlds.
Speaker 2:I don't want to say both worlds, because there are multiple worlds that are colliding with, like our podcast, with you having a big you know real estate milestone for my career and for yours, like we have gone through so much in our 20 plus years of friendship and that's crazy to see this like evolve into like over 50 000 followers.
Speaker 2:I mean we have to celebrate to that. Like we are actually fucking living in the present, in the now, and we are doing everything we can to spread this mission. That, like you really can get messy with the mock tailers, get mock tailed with the messy you know we really do want to like, talk about, like ourselves in our debaucherous past so we can grow from it and let's bring it all together.
Speaker 1:We love to talk about it and, yes, thank you so much for the 50,000 followers on instagram and the multiple downloads of the episodes between spotify apple even buzz sprout youtube. Thank you so much um you guys really we're I mean, we're here, we're going to keep doing this.
Speaker 2:We want you guys to be entertained. We want to educate you. We want to be vulnerable. We want you to come on. We want you to be involved. Yes, yes, we want to spread this message of mocktails or messy.
Speaker 1:This is Ryan Frankowski and Kelly Msgorski have a good night Cheers.
Speaker 2:Cheers, or day or morning. Don't drop that, don't drop that don't drop, that don't drop that don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that. Don't drop that, don't.
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