Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#53: Pleasure vs. the Patriarchy: A Lesson in Self Love with The Magnetic Woman
What happens when a former Catholic schoolgirl discovers that pleasure isn't sinful but sacred? Lauren Joyce, known as The Magnetic Woman, radiates confidence as she shares her journey from sign language interpreter to pleasure coach who's revolutionizing how women connect with their bodies.
Lauren's transformation began during a quarter-life crisis coinciding with her father's death. Seeking meaning, she stumbled into a personal development program that shocked her Catholic sensibilities but awakened something profound. Today, she leads a global community helping women break free from shame and conditioning that keeps them disconnected from their desires.
The conversation reveals startling truths about pleasure in women's lives. Most can't even answer what brings them joy – not just sexually, but in any aspect of life. This disconnect stems from religious conditioning and patriarchal systems that teach women they'll be punished for experiencing too much pleasure. Lauren explains how this conditioning begins early, with girls suppressing their voices around age twelve, eventually losing connection with their own wants and needs.
For those seeking to reconnect with pleasure, Lauren recommends starting with just five minutes daily of intentional focus on physical sensation. This simple practice dramatically lowers cortisol levels and helps regulate the nervous system. She discusses how alcohol often inhibits rather than enhances sexual pleasure by further numbing already disconnected bodies, and how taking pressure off goal-oriented sex creates space for genuine intimacy in relationships.
The most powerful takeaway? "There's no upper limit on pleasure." In a world where heartbreak and loss are inevitable, why not experience as much joy as possible? Whether through her online membership "The Red Temple," her courses, or in-person retreats in places like southern France, Lauren's mission remains the same: helping every woman discover the magnetic, radiant being that already exists within her.
Ready to reclaim your pleasure? What might change in your life if you gave yourself permission to feel truly alive?
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I guess my question would be what do you guys feel like is your biggest barrier to pleasure in your own life?
Speaker 2:You go ho. No, you go first I said you go?
Speaker 3:ho, I'm like, I meant to say you go at it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I'll be you.
Speaker 3:I mean, we were sent toys, lilo, sex toys and we had the best time separately. We played and I will say like I learned even some things. Did you learn some things like from the toy? Yes, okay, boo, look at that, look at that.
Speaker 2:I mean this is like Hi there, this is Kelly Msgorski and Ryan Frankofsky, and you're listening to Mocktails are Messy Today we are here with Lauren the magnetic woman. The magnetic woman. I feel like I said that weird.
Speaker 3:Lauren the magnetic woman, and tell us a little bit about Lauren. Do you like to be called the magnetic woman? Do you like to use your last name?
Speaker 1:Well, I typically just go by Lauren, but also the magnetic woman works, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I love it. You are very magnetic. Today it's like it's a radiation Every day, every day, even at the event that we met you at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like we need to ease into this, because I have some doing, because I have like intense questions. That's fine, let's go, baby, oh my.
Speaker 3:God Cheers to you. Thank you, lauren, and I'm sorry about the solo cup, but that red dress just really deserved a red cup.
Speaker 2:I guess we should give a little backstory, okay. So, what is it that I'll have you explain it Like what is it that you do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I say that I help women reclaim their feminine power through pleasure. So I have an online coaching and empowerment company where I have courses and memberships and I, you know, work with women across the globe and I've been running the magnetic woman for since like 2017, I think is when it was born, so it's been a while, congratulations.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:What did you do before? That Great question. So actually before, like, what I went to college for and did after I graduated college was I was actually a sign language interpreter. Oh, wow, yes. So that was my career, my like late teens, early twenties, and then when I was, you know, in my mid 20s, my quarter life crisis also coincided with my father passing away and I was like I have no idea how to handle this kind of loss and I don't think what I'm doing currently as a career is what I want to do. You know, I was just like lost across the board and I found a personal development program in New York city run by Regina Thomas Howard, which is, I've heard of, the name yes, so she wrote the book Pussy a reclamation.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming I'm allowed to say whatever.
Speaker 3:We want you to bring that up, However she had not written that book at that time.
Speaker 1:She had other books and so I was like 25. Now I was raised Catholic. I went through 10 years of Catholic school.
Speaker 3:Did you go to Oakland Catholic?
Speaker 1:For two years, and then I transferred out. I was raised Catholic too, but didn't go to the Catholic school. Oh, 10 years of Catholic schooling over there Okay. Oakland.
Speaker 3:Catholic yes. Yeah, oakland Catholic yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Catholic grade school.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:And so that was all girls right? Yes, Oakland.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And so when I was 25, I find myself I decide I want to do Regina's program because she talked about enjoying life, living a pleasurable life, and I felt so lost. And you know, within 20 minutes of the first day of the event, she's on stage and she's like a woman's power is her connection to her pussy and I was like oh get me out of here. What the hell did I just sign up for?
Speaker 3:And you were pretty prude then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would. I would say naive, less prudish, more naive, just kind of like what are you like what? But there is something inside of me that was just like I'm really intrigued and like this seemed like I haven't ever heard these things before and I was looking around seeing all these women who were just like radiant and glowing and happy and I'm like okay, there's something here, despite the fact that this is terrifying.
Speaker 2:You're doing the radiant and the glow.
Speaker 3:I know it's not just the red guys, it's something about her energy.
Speaker 1:And so I was like, okay, you know what else am I going to do. I'm so lost and like I don't know what to do in my life and you didn't like your job and I didn't like my job. So I started taking a lot of personal development and I was still a sign language interpreter at the time in DC and I was like I don't want to do this. What got you?
Speaker 3:into ASL um, I actually volunteered at the school for the deaf in Wilkinsburg when I was in high school and it was fascinating to me did you know, mrs lawhead, I maybe okay, I think she was there, probably okay, it's all good so is this just something you picked up?
Speaker 1:yeah, I just started volunteering there and then I took they had like evening classes, so I took the classes and I just like was really fascinated by it and decided that's what I wanted to do for school and it was a. It was a great career.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's pretty cool Got to a point like I think, when you experience a loss, like the loss of your parent, it is it for me. It was this moment to have, like I don't want to waste any time in my life. And if I'm already feeling this way at 25, 26, 26, like I don't think I want to do this, like why am I going to force myself to stay in a career that didn't feel like it fit anymore? Right? And I think for me, especially as I learned more about pleasure and sensuality, I started feeling more confident, more sure of myself, like being like wait, I have like a voice and an opinion and it's important.
Speaker 1:And as a sign language interpreter which again was a great career, but you are just the communication conduit, like it was said that it, you know, it's effective. If it is like you weren't even there, and I'm like okay, but I have opinions that I want to be talking about. And so I'm like, if I'm already feeling this way at 25, 26, like no, thank you. And because I was doing a lot of personal development at the time, I had a lot of friends who had started online coaching companies and I was like this seems really interesting. I love to travel, I love the idea of creating something that is mine and that, like I can share my opinions and my beliefs. And then I started an online coaching company and it took a few years for me to like, really like, narrow into the magnetic woman and pleasure and sensuality and all of that.
Speaker 2:And here we are well, now that we're all warmed up, I feel like we've got some good questions for you, some juicy questions. And now I feel like we can get into it. Sure, let's go, I love it what has been the most surprising discovery you've made about pleasure, oh I like the way she said that. I'm trying to fit in. I think the way she said that. Right, I'm trying to fit in.
Speaker 1:I think the most surprising discovery is how taboo it still is, especially for women, if you ask them like what brings you pleasure? Not even sexual pleasure Just like pleasure in general, pleasure in your life. A lot of women can't answer it and there's a fear of like if I, if I'm starting to enjoy life, if I'm starting to experience pleasure, then something bad's gonna happen to me, like I'll be punished if I have too much pleasure why is? That so real that would be religious conditioning patriarchy and patriarchy that is so it like.
Speaker 3:And I mean this is maybe not related, but I remember I missed like a family wedding event and like my cousin was like you have the catholic guilt. Yeah, like I was like oh yeah, I have to be there like I have to come up with like a reason I couldn't go yeah, and it has to be really dire Like I'm suffering so bad.
Speaker 1:You can't be mad at me.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's the conditioning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's religious conditioning and patriarchal conditioning which is all about women, which one Patriarchy so patriarchy is the created system of power, so it's not like an inherent natural way of being system of power. So it's not like an inherent natural way of being. It is a system of power that was created a couple thousand years ago which prioritizes men and the masculine over women and the feminine. So it's like men masculine are the gold standard, women, feminine, are less than.
Speaker 3:It's so weird how we are like still living in this weird age that you see the like, the growth, and I can only speak from a male's perspective. But I grew up with a mom who was the career breadwinner, like pushing it. But then there was still this like disconnect of her, actually like achieving the highest level in her company oh, yeah, definitely you know, men are still paid more than women that are in the same position.
Speaker 2:Like I've been through that before yep, um, and it's, I feel like, only recently. I feel like I can have a voice. Like growing up I felt like I couldn't. Nobody cares about my opinion, I'm just a stupid woman. Like I've really felt that way before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because it's it's deeply ingrained and conditioned in us. I read once and I can't remember where it was from, but like, if you ask little girls like under six, seven, what they want on a pizza, they'll tell you. And then it was like eight to twelve if you ask them, they'll, they'll tell you. But they might also be like, well, you know what do you want? And like after 12. They're like I don't know, it doesn't matter that's fucked up and it's a pizza.
Speaker 1:You know that's so interesting like but we're we're conditioned, as from little girls, to really suppress our voice, our expression, our desires and our pleasure yeah, because we, as men, will be like first thing, like this is what I like this this is what I need blah, blah, blah like it's like, it's so, like direct, and like you know, me recently, like you know, experimenting like I'm bisexual and.
Speaker 3:I, like, definitely really love both of the sexes. Yeah, but I do feel like I cannot figure it out. It's a lot of a hunting game a treasure like a treasure hunt, like to find out you know what women like and I really wanted to be direct and be like tell me what you like, but that's not sexy well, yes and no, but honestly, unfortunately most women don't know what they like that's right, that's what you're trying to explain, afraid to truly say what they want or what they like.
Speaker 1:So it's. It's less that, like women are trying to play this big elaborate game and more like they aren't. They don't have the practice of just like stating what they want and standing in that and not being worried that it's going to be shut down or made fun of or, you know, weaponized against them, I mean we had, we were sent toys, lilo sex toys.
Speaker 3:And we had the best time separately. We played. She's married to my best friend Amazing. And I will say like I learned even some things. Did you learn some things like from the toy?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Without going into detail.
Speaker 3:Yeah, great well, is that something that you could start off like if you, if you're a young girl, that is like maybe of age 18 or up, you know, obviously like we want to, but I I guess I'm trying to ask the right question, like how to explore yeah, I think well, and again I think it goes back to there's a lot of shame and conditioning for young girls, young women, women around exploring pleasure in general in their life, but especially sexual pleasure especially from the catholic church yes, I mean religious conditioning.
Speaker 1:I think everybody actually has religious conditioning, doesn't matter if you grew up catholic or christian or nothing, because the fact is right yeah, but the fact of the matter is abrahamic religions have controlled the majority of society and or colonized the countries, and it has it like, morphed into how, the laws and how and societal norms. So everybody has religious conditioning. But what were you?
Speaker 2:Oh oh. There was this like workshop I did when I was a kid and they explained women as like a band-aid. Yeah, and the more like you rip the band-aid off, the less it sticks. And they were referring to like sex and stuff like that having multiple sexual partners. Yes, and so it's like this dirty, nasty feeling that you get from a very young age and you're like ashamed yep, a lot of shame yeah, so much shame, and it's not. I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker 1:It's not, and it it then plays out in adult women's lives in their unknown, like not knowing what they like sexually, not being able to ask for it, not feeling comfortable, asking for it being really shut down in their body. And then you layer on. The majority of women have experienced some kind of physical or sexual trauma Right, and so most women are walking around, really shut down in their body really frozen, really numb, and you can't you know, you can't experience pleasure if your baseline is being numb.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like how could you? You have to be relaxed. Yes, okay, this is great, guys, Okay. So what has been the most empowering moment for you as the founder of the magnetic woman community?
Speaker 1:and helping women embrace their sexuality I think the most empowering moments for me are when I see women like when it's like that light switch goes on and they become so radiant and they just feel like they can take on the world and they're more confident, more alive.
Speaker 1:Alive, you know, and it could be things from like they ask for a raise at work that they've been wanting and you know worthy of for a long time, but they finally have the confidence to do it. Or they start dating. Or you know, honestly, even sometimes when women are like you know, I'm finally getting a divorce, like I finally am ending this toxic relationship. So whenever that light goes on for them and they become just that radiant, effervescent version of themselves that every woman has inside of her. You know, I think when I say that my company is the magnetic woman and this is the work that I do, I think oftentimes a lot of women are like oh, that's good for you and it's easy for you because you're pretty or you wear makeup or whatever, and it's like no, I believe every single woman is a magnetic woman inside of themselves and it just might be kind of covered by some other stuff that we just got to clear out when I met you on, it was, you were so authentic and I thank you.
Speaker 2:You actually felt magnetic.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I'm not like drawn to you.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh my gosh, like I want to be around her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she knows like what's up and, like you said, it's not like you're beautiful, you're not a dress, yeah like the look, but it's also there is a personality. There is that, and I think having that personality is not necessarily what you're given at birth. It's about acquiring that comfortable.
Speaker 1:Definitely yeah, and the confidence in just who you are in general.
Speaker 3:Yes, because we're not built the same way and that would be so boring for sure, for sure. So boring. I mean, I know myself like I love this topic because I love the women in my life. I probably have a lot more female friends than I do male friends. Because of that, I don't know. I just feel like I don't know if it's you're a girl's girl. I was a girl, or like not connecting with, like the, the straight, like entitled yes, white male yeah, like and I know that I could have played that role in society yeah I probably was a fuck boy in high school you know I think it is like.
Speaker 3:I think I kind of got through that and karma hit me in the ass. Karma kicked me in the ass hard, yeah, and I think I learned like just even being comfortable in my own skin is what you're describing exactly, you know being open and like talking about, like sex and like what even pleases, like me and my partner, and I think it's like so important to talk about it, but you're right, you emphasize the magnetic woman.
Speaker 3:Because of this closeness, and I think I love my girls that are so open Like she and me talk about sex all the time and we like are inspired to, like you know, make it more comfortable.
Speaker 1:We're in 2025. Seriously.
Speaker 3:You know like come on, guys, we're not like buttoned up in 2008.
Speaker 2:Right, well, that's a good point. Like that leads us into the next question, like how do you think society's views on pleasure has evolved and where do you see it heading?
Speaker 1:Well, right now is a very interesting time.
Speaker 3:Yes, To say the least.
Speaker 1:Because there is a lot of push to suppress women and their sexuality even more, and so, while, yeah, I think society's view on pleasure has evolved in a lot of ways, now there is this pushback against it.
Speaker 2:Yes, doesn't feel like it's come that far still.
Speaker 1:Correct, and it can feel really daunting as a woman, especially if you're just kind of like coming into this and you're like wait, I want to start exploring my pleasure, my sensuality, my sexuality, and now feels like this like really restrictive time to do it. But I say that that is like the most important form of resistance for women is to choose pleasure right To like, not give in to this piling on of guilt and shame around female sexuality and female pleasure. So you know it's, I feel like as long as we're in kind of a patriarchal society that continues to devalue women, we're never going to fully evolve into a place where a woman's pleasure and sexuality is fully celebrated, like across the board, and not demonized.
Speaker 2:yeah, demonized is the word. Yeah, yeah, don't you think?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, I mean, it's like so bizarre, like I think about this experience. I'm at a closing with my aunt and uncle and I swear this will be brief. He talks about his hookups in the past and he's like allowed to in his head, but as soon as she brings up and she's very alpha- yeah she's a nurse manager. She don't give a shit. She's like yeah, I was having sex on that pool table whenever I was in my 20s with that doctor yeah that I was working with yeah, it's like.
Speaker 2:Oh, she was like right.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, I don't want to hear that and I'm like uncle you just talked about how many girls that you were hooking up with. What makes it wrong that auntie can't?
Speaker 2:share an experience.
Speaker 3:Oh, are you in? Are you not confident because he was a doctor? Yeah, Are you not confident because you can't picture it? But you can talk about all the girls you hooked up with. Yeah, yes, it's such a fucking hippococ-.
Speaker 1:What's the word Hippococ? Yes, is that a hippococ? Yes, I say we adopt that word from now on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do it. It's also hypocritical. Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1:I could have said hippococ, but I prefer hippococ, hippococ. Yeah, that's it now.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, but you get it.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is very hypocritical, and I mean I'm sure you've dated guys like that. Yes.
Speaker 3:Or maybe been around them.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean I think most men hold. It's called the Madonna whore paradigm. Like you, can either be the wife, good, pure virginal or if you explore your pleasure and desires. You're a slut Like it's not either, it's not both. You can't be a woman who is sexual and be seen as like morally good. Yes, like good, whatever that means. Yeah, what the fuck is like morally good?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like good, whatever that means. Yeah, what the fuck is up with that. Yes, it's just other ways to control and shame us.
Speaker 3:We can't cheers to that shit.
Speaker 2:No, we're not cheersing to that. No, boo Boo to that.
Speaker 3:I mean, this is like somebody that was before her time. Nobody would take a photo like this for my 21st birthday.
Speaker 1:I love it and she was like sign me up, bitch. I love it so much. It's gorgeous and all the parents were like I can't believe you.
Speaker 3:Let them do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was like 15 years ago.
Speaker 3:It's a gorgeous photo and we love being so provocative and sexual and talk about pleasure, because it's like it's not just to be filthy and get a shock value, it's just because, like, that's who we are always been and probably humans are.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:We all are sexual.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing is like. The more people try and repress that and shame that, that's how it comes out in really fucked up sideways ways. Right that's why there's a lot of violence against women, and a lot of you know it's like it has to be. It is going to be expressed in some way, so either you can express it in a safe and healthy environment or it's going to come out in really fucked up ways.
Speaker 2:That's scary. Yeah yeah, that is nail on the head, right. Okay, so is there a practice or ritual that you recommend for women looking to connect more deeply with pleasure?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I would say if you're just really starting, you wanna really begin with something as simple as closing your eyes and tuning in and just starting to notice, like, what are you feeling like emotionally and what sensations are you experiencing. So like if you close your eyes and it's like, oh, my throat feels tight or I feel tired, just starting to have that body awareness is really key. And then expanding into self pleasuring and that again, that could be sexual and it could be just what brings pleasure to my body. So I have my clients even start with something as simple as five minutes. Put some music on and just notice what kind of touch do you like? Is it really light? Like, does that bring pleasure to your body? Does that kind of you know, like a little aliveness do you like? Is it more using your nails?
Speaker 1:oh, the nails, yes is it a feather right? And so and just that intentional, focused time lowers your cortisol like lowers the stress hormone in your body. It regulates your nervous system.
Speaker 1:I feel so relaxed just hearing you say that, yeah, it takes you out of fight or flight and so something as little as five minutes a day of focused bringing pleasure to your physical body, where you're tuned in and you're like does that feel better, does that feel worse? Is that, am I enjoying that? Am I not enjoying? That Will change your life For men as well. I only wear, I work primarily only with women, but for anybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I think, especially now, now in 2025, we're on our phones all of the time so we feel so connected to like the world, but we're really very disconnected from each other and from our own physical bodies.
Speaker 2:um, so, yeah, five minutes a day of like what brings me pleasure I love it, me too yeah, honest to god can you share a time when embracing your own sensuality transformed an aspect of your life or relationship?
Speaker 1:I mean, I think sensuality transforms every aspect of your life and every aspects of your relationships, because again, you end up feeling so much more comfortable and confident in your own skin. So how could that not change everything in your life, right? So, yeah, I guess my answer would be it changes everything. It's not just one time or one thing.
Speaker 2:What role does self-love play in your approach to pleasure, and how can a woman cultivate that more in their lives? I mean?
Speaker 1:self-love is really the foundation, right, but not in the like Instagram version of self-love. To me, self-love is radical acceptance and unconditional compassion for yourself. So all of those parts of us that are messy or that we feel are dirty or toxic or like shame inducing, the more you can embrace them and be like yeah, that like okay, I love this, I love this part of me, the easier it is to really have a sense of like true self-love Again not the like Instagram.
Speaker 1:I have to look perfect and this be perfect and everything be lined up. And then I have self-love, or, like you know, it's the $300 mock spa in your bathroom. Like that's me having self-love. Self-love is meeting yourself, all aspects of yourself, with love and compassion yeah and being like I'm doing the best I can with what I have and where I am right now, and that's okay yeah, I used to put all this pressure on myself and then I was just like wait, wait.
Speaker 3:I think she reminded me, it's like you have had successes. And you should embrace them and you should love yourself. Not about like you changing gears. It's about you celebrating the wins that lead you to this point.
Speaker 1:Definitely, and I don't believe that we can really create effective, lasting, healthy change in our life if we're trying to shame ourself into the change Right, like we have to come from a place of deep acceptance of who we are, where we've been, where we're at, and be like. I want to shift this because that's what I want, that's what I desire, because I'm worthy of a healthier relationship, a better job, you know, whatever. But coming from a place of love and acceptance creates a much richer and healthier change than trying to shame yourself into changing, and that isn't sustainable.
Speaker 2:So the moral is like we're removing shame. Yes, no more shame, yeah, take it out, always take away the shame, take it out.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh, I dig that. I mean what did you remove from yourself as you learned a lot?
Speaker 1:That's a great question. I think one of the biggest things and it's still a work in progress is like this perfectionist tendency that I have to always get it right, always have it be perfect, always have it look good, Right or like a failure or not enough, and make that enough and right for this moment.
Speaker 2:Then the easier it is to kind of let go of that perfectionist tendency so we love talking about like alcohol and it's a fact just because you know we have a messy past. We like to talk about it.
Speaker 3:We're not shamed by it at this point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're not shameful, we'll talk about all of it. But in your opinion, how do you think that alcohol can play a role in enhancing or inhibiting pleasure? Because this is a big thing right now. People do that. They use alcohol to get in the mood and stuff.
Speaker 3:And it's been throughout life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, social and intimate settings so like what is? Your opinion on that?
Speaker 1:personally, I think alcohol only inhibits sexual pleasure. There's this idea, right, that it like lowers your inhibition, so you're having, like you know, this amazing sex and it's like drunk sex.
Speaker 2:And it's like sloppy, it's sloppy.
Speaker 1:But I mean, alcohol is a depressant in your body and for women especially, who are already disconnected, already numb in their body. It's like you're not feeling anything. Which is why I think a lot of women especially drink to get in the mood. Women especially drink to get in the mood. It's actually to numb themselves even more because they're already disconnected, because they maybe don't want to be having sex, but they're trying to override their physical no, to be like, well, I should, or, you know, maybe this will bring us closer. We haven't in so long, or I owe them, or whatever it is. So for me personally, I think that alcohol only inhibits sexual pleasure.
Speaker 1:Now, that doesn't mean that you have to be sober in order to have sex, or you know, but I do think to start to notice in yourself like, okay, so if I have a few glasses of wine and then I have sex with my partner, like did you actually? Did you enjoy it If you did? Amazing, right. Like everybody gets to be an individual and see what works for them.
Speaker 3:And maybe they have a high tolerance Right.
Speaker 1:It's like maybe five glasses is just like, hey, like the music or whatever you. But I think that you know, especially again, I work with women and I think, especially for women, there's a tendency to use alcohol to override what's occurring in their body, right, so they're already feeling numb, so it's just going to kind of help them feel even more numb so that they can do it Right. And oftentimes it's again women who are disconnected, who are shut down and they've kind of are like, well, I'm not even going to orgasm anyway, so like let's just, let's just do it, let's just get it over with.
Speaker 2:So I like tons of friends.
Speaker 1:This isn't one of the questions, but like I have tons of friends I love off, I love you know, not scripted questions, those are my favorite. Let's go, you, you mentioned.
Speaker 2:Like if you're not in the mood and stuff, like and I've talked to other people, like women who are married and stuff, and it's like I don't know like you just get busy, like yeah, maybe your kids, like you're truly not in the mood, you've no desire, but then like if you push yourself to do it, then you might end up kind of like hating it even more, yeah, and like resenting your partner even like what is what do you do in that situation?
Speaker 1:well, I think you know there, there's a lot of things in that. Yeah, right so first of all, I think oftentimes, especially in heterosexual couples, sex is very goal oriented.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So it's like I don't want him touching me Right Because his goal is penetrative sex. Yes, that I'm not interested in Right. So one thing can be taking the pressure off of that and being, you know, and this is, it has to happen within the couple, like both people have to be on board, but like, ok, we're just going to have like 10 minutes of making out, no pressure to have sex, right, right.
Speaker 3:And it's hot.
Speaker 1:And then oftentimes, when you take the pressure off, especially for women who are already exhausted, stressed out, overloaded, carrying the mental and emotional load for the house, the family, like when you take the pressure off of okay, we like penetrative sex is off the table, we're just going to connect. That often gets the women in the mood right, because I feel like men sometimes don't even need the connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're just going in.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes they view sex as the connection and women need the connection. Yeah Well, they. Oftentimes they view sex as the connection and women need the connection for sex. Good point, yes. When I think, especially for married couples, couples who are in long term relationships, and again because I work with women, and primarily heterosexual women, one of the biggest things is also building in moments of connection with your partner throughout the day that are like physical, intentional and not goal-oriented again, so like a long kiss or a long hug, because women need that like consistent connection yes, don't just come for me when you want it.
Speaker 1:Yes, like and yeah work your way into it yeah, and then I then I mean there really is the like elephant in the room of women in heterosexual sexual relationships are carrying the majority of the mental, emotional and domestic labor, like almost always, right, yeah, and that carrying all of that is not sexy, like you are not finding your partner attractive because you are carrying everything for everybody. So it's also really important in heterosexual relationships, especially long-term ones, whether it be marriage or a partnership or whatever that there's real open, raw conversations about the mental, emotional and domestic labor, how it's divided so that lowers the stress on the woman, so she can be more in her body and so she can feel more alive, right? And then also something as simple as like the five minutes a day of self-pleasuring and building up your own reserve internally of that sense of pleasure and connection to yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because, like I, because I have kids, I don't get five. I could get five minutes a day, I could, but I wasn't sure what to do with it. If I could get five minutes, maybe I just need to lay in my bed and just take a nap.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, definitely You're like, I just want to sleep.
Speaker 2:Take a nap or just one of those little head scratchers that feel really good, just something that to sleep, take a nap, or just like one of those little head scratchers like that feel really good, like just something like that's pleasurable, that is just such a good point.
Speaker 1:I just it's all, yeah, it's hard to, it's hard know what to do, yeah, and I think, um, I mean, that's why I do so much of the work that I do yeah um, but I think the important thing is. For me it's like the intention Right, because it's so easy for when you have five minutes alone, to just dissociate on your phone.
Speaker 2:That's what I do. Yeah, that's what we all do. It doesn't help, that's all we all do.
Speaker 3:Right and we blame it on its work Right.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm so tired, right I feel so shut down, I know it's like I can't go to bed, yeah. And so it does take an amount of intentionality to be like okay, I'm not going to zone out on my phone for these five minutes, I'm going to just breathe deeply and be present in my body.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, almost like almost like meditation, or yeah, could you call it that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could. I mean you could. I wouldn't call it meditation. Meditation is something different, but meditation is also an apt thing to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't really. I don't meditate, so I don't even know. I'm like what is meditation? Is that when you're just like breathing?
Speaker 1:yes, it's, you're breathing and you're like calming your mind. Okay, I mean, I guess I've never done I will touch on this.
Speaker 3:Being sober for over a year and having, like now, sober sex with, like okay, casual friends with benefits, it was good. Yeah, it was really good. And then actually now being in a monogamous relationship with sober sex, I'm like what the fuck was I doing? It was good, yeah, it was really good. And then actually now being in a monogamous relationship with sober sex, I'm like what the fuck was I doing it was like every weekend.
Speaker 3:It would be like drunk at the bar or like you know stoned, and it's just like that would get you in the mood, but you would not feel it yeah it would be like it was the act and it was like the man in me that was like okay, so it's, you know, it's the connection.
Speaker 2:Here we go.
Speaker 3:It's the penetrate, but it was never like the, the feeling like of touching that, like you know, that softness and then exploring, you know which is beautiful. Oh, my God, yeah, and I really try to advocate that If anybody has ever not experienced sober sex, which sounds crazy, but it is not crazy when you're a 20-year-old or when you're in your 20s it's not crazy even people in their 30s, 40s, 50s.
Speaker 3:That was it right, because I would be on the prowl, yeah. But then I wouldn't feel it because I was like you said. I was like, oh, I need it. Like to just like break that barrier of like. I was like insecure to like make a move. Yeah yeah, you know yeah, so thank you for kind of dissecting my pleasure.
Speaker 2:I know I feel like there's a lot ticking through my like head right now it was just like you're teaching us so much and I'm like holy so tell us about your coaching business and how it gets started.
Speaker 3:I mean, people can look up, like you know, different programs Like is it like more one-on-one, is it group session, is it?
Speaker 1:It's more group, so I don't work with a lot of one-on-one people or one-on-one women, one-on-one I do, but at this point you know I love running groups. I have an online membership where every month you get like a pleasure, practice calendar. So, I have practices and meditations, so it like makes it easy for you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that one definitely leans more spiritual. So it's called the Red Temple and it's about seeing your pleasure and sensuality and sexuality as sacred and as like a spiritual practice as a woman. And yeah, and then I have tons of courses and it runs the gamut Are you all virtual or do you do in person? Both? So I would say 95% of what I do is virtual. And then I do run retreats, or that's how I prefer to work with women. One-on-one is in person, and so I have like in person, I call them VIP intensive where it's like this luxurious day of pleasure and embodiment and, you know, just kind of like coming back to life.
Speaker 1:And so I do those all over the world, and so I do those all over the world. But again, the main reason why I started my online business back in 2015, 2016, 2017 was I wanted to travel and I wanted to be able to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I you know, for me it's like I believe in this work so deeply.
Speaker 3:You can tell.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So why would I limit it to where I live locally Like this? Yeah, like we, I can reach a global audience.
Speaker 1:Why not? And it's also so important, I think, for women because, especially with the shame and the shutdownness in our bodies, a lot of women are living in this like silo of shame, like they think they're the only one that is has the fears or belief or guilt or shame around sex and pleasure. And so having a global community of women where it's like no women in europe and mexico and australia and wherever also feel similar things, it normalizes it in a way that I think nothing else does, and it and it allows you to move through it because you're like oh, there's nothing actually wrong with me, it is culture and society and the conditioning that I was raised on and I can transcend it.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming in group things out of respect for women, there would be no men welcome like have you worked with men, or I have worked with men and I have worked with couples?
Speaker 1:um, I mean, at this point I work exclusively with women, so my retreats and programs aren't open to men for more of a safety.
Speaker 1:Yes, reason, absolutely, um, in the sense that women just feel more safe to share and and you know, I think I there are so many other incredible coaches out there who work with men or who work with couples, or who work with other demographics, who, you know, have that lived experience that maybe I don't have, um, and so it's like I don't have to be everything for everybody and I would so much rather refer somebody and be like that person is exactly who you want. Then, you know, try and offer something that isn't.
Speaker 3:I mean that's your niche, that's your brand, that's who you are, that's what you know. I mean you can tell that, like even with couples, I'm sure that can be even like problematic, because a woman might not want to say things around her husband or partner?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because of the shame. Yeah, I think the biggest thing with couples therapy coaching in general is you have to have two very willing participants. It cannot be the woman is willing and dragging the man there or vice versa, right. It cannot be like one person wants to be there and the other person hates the fact that they're there. You're not gonna make any progress.
Speaker 2:No, so I'm ready for you to have an in-person retreat in Pittsburgh. She's like what Not Pittsburgh? No, like what Not Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1:No, I'm open to it.
Speaker 3:You might have to get this all situated. You know if you're in.
Speaker 1:Pittsburgh reach out. I do do one-on-one in-persons here in Pittsburgh because I'm here. What's next for me did?
Speaker 2:you say yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean that's a great question. I think it's just, in a lot of ways, more of the same. I've created a lot of things I really love, especially my membership and doing retreats. I have a retreat in southern France at the end of September.
Speaker 3:That's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so just more of that Helping more women to feel alive and radiant and magnetic.
Speaker 2:Shoot. I have a friend living in France that I haven't seen in 10 years. Okay, Well, here we go.
Speaker 3:Or you might have to go with her.
Speaker 2:I know I want to see my friend.
Speaker 3:It's been a long time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, interesting.
Speaker 3:Do you have and you don't have to have one. Do you have a question for us? No pressure.
Speaker 1:Hmm, I guess my question would be what do you guys feel like is your biggest barrier to pleasure in your own life?
Speaker 2:You go, ho, you go first I said you go, ho, I'm like. I'm going to say you go. Yeah, no, I'll be completely honest right now. It's just it's kids. I have two kids and it's like I don't. It's the last thing on my mind right now. Most of the time I'm just taking care of the kids and, yeah, the house and um, that's my biggest barrier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's pretty simple, very understandable.
Speaker 3:I think mine is work. So I get two days a week to spend time with my partner, which is super exciting right now because it's some tantric shit. Love this New relationship.
Speaker 2:You know the honeymoon stage.
Speaker 3:I mean, I just think it's the sober, it's the honeymoon and it's like, for the first time in like 34 years, I'm like do I know what I? I guess I know myself.
Speaker 2:I know what I want.
Speaker 3:I know that this is like, whatever it may be, I hope it is, you know, fingers crossed.
Speaker 3:But I think the two days a week it's like it's not enough, but then you're like, well, work is in the way. I think that two days a week it's like it's not enough, but then you're like, well, work is in the way. So that's, you know, because you can't be just like every day. I mean maybe you could, I guess, if you live together. Yeah, I mean that would be ideal. But I want to know your opinion, Like when is pleasure?
Speaker 1:like excessive. I don't think it's ever excessive. Oh fuck, there's no upper limit on pleasure okay, because we don't want.
Speaker 3:There's no shame, yeah, there's no shame, so you should live with the one that you're yeah, do whatever you want.
Speaker 1:You know it's like life is way too short oh, fuck yeah but I think the other thing is like you know, we're all human. We are all going to experience heartbreak, loss, devastation, like life is inevitably going to happen to us, and there's a lot of really fucked up shit that happens in life.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:So why not experience as much pleasure as possible? Like it's inevitable that fucked up shit is going to happen. You know what I mean. It's inevitable that your heart's going to get broken, that you're going to lose somebody that you love, that work's not going to go how you want, that you're going to be struggling in areas of your life. That is inevitable, that's baked into the cake of life. And my perspective is twofold One how can you experience as much pleasure as possible? My perspective is twofold One how can you experience as much pleasure as possible? But also, how can you find the pleasure in the fucked up shit? Right? How can you like in moments of heartbreak and grief and loss or stress, how can you find pleasure? How can you slow down? How can you enjoy the season that you're in, no matter how hard it is, because it's just a season?
Speaker 3:Right, it's not forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Grief is not forever.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Loss is not. I mean, I'm thinking of other things that are fucked up Maybe this term is not forever. I don't know if we want to go there. I'm down you know, but I do think, lauren, you are such a magnetic, magical creature. We are so glad that you came on to talk about the magnetic woman, you are magnetic and you are a beautiful woman inside and out so I think you really have, like, enlightened Kelly a lot, being a woman herself, yes, and I've learned a lot good, you know I really do.
Speaker 2:You took a lot away.
Speaker 3:I did, I did, but I think it is so important to speak about these things with women in those groups. So I think it's really powerful what you're doing and. I am excited for Kelly to organize a Pittsburgh event with you. I will not be invited, that's okay.
Speaker 1:I want to hear about it, though. Yes, we could do like a recap.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, we would love to have you go back on and just real quick we have the kin euphoric.
Speaker 1:So delicious.
Speaker 3:We talked about this because you said, with this Kim beaming joy, it's just the flavor, just hit your brand yeah.
Speaker 1:You know I just like love the can and it tastes delicious. Thank you for watching. Mocktails Are Messy. I'm Lauren Joyce, the magnetic woman.
Speaker 2:Woo.
Speaker 3:Thank you, lauren. This is Mocktails or Messy. I'm Lauren Joyce, the magnetic woman woo. Thank you, lauren. This is Mocktails or Messy. This is Ryan Frankofsky and Kelly Msgorski thanks for listening. Cheers Lauren. Thank you for coming in. Thank you, you're a natural.
Speaker 2:Thank you, oh my gosh, that was great my pleasure, so fun.
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