Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#44: Lap Dances, Jealous Exes & Our Wildest Night Out
Ever received a lap dance with your best friend? We did, and let us tell you, it was an unforgettable experience that pushed our boundaries in the most unexpected ways. Our night at the strip club was more than just a wild adventure; it was a journey into the dynamics of comfort zones and friendship. As we navigated through initial nerves and embraced the surprises that came our way, we found ourselves laughing at the awkwardness and cherishing the growth of our supportive bond.
Obsessive jealousy, anyone? We're tackling “Rebecca Syndrome” — that intense, often irrational jealousy towards a partner's ex, as inspired by the 1938 novel "Rebecca." Through sharing our personal anecdotes, we unravel how unresolved childhood woes can manifest into this syndrome, creating unnecessary anxiety and tension in relationships. Alongside, we explore misunderstood defense mechanisms and highlight the importance of self-awareness and understanding these behaviors in maintaining healthy relationships.
Switching gears, we dive into the fascinating world of how our emotional states shape our music preferences and lifestyle choices. From discovering new music genres that eschew lyrical content to experiencing the benefits of taking breaks from alcohol, we discuss the positive changes that come with mindful living. As we invite you to share your own messy, hilarious stories, we promise to keep our community vibrant and engaged. So, grab your mocktails and join us, Ryan Frankofsky and Kelly Misgorski, on this fun-filled ride!
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I felt like an angry old hag yeah.
Speaker 2:I feel you, and then she was like licking in my ear. I was like oh.
Speaker 1:I don't think I cleaned that wax out, but thanks for getting it.
Speaker 3:I am a mess. I'm imperfectly aspiring to not even be perfect, but just be a better version.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're pretty fucked up too.
Speaker 3:So misunderstood it.
Speaker 1:Misunderstood.
Speaker 3:I feel like I'm teaching my four-year-old how to talk right now. So it's like a phenomenon, phenomenon, phenomenon now, who's the four-year-old needing to be taught? Kind of like obsessive and like dangerous right like date lines real I've had to get restraining orders before oh yeah, he used you for a green card when you move a million times, you don't fucking know who you are. Sometimes, no, it takes a minute don't we're like wait, who are we? Are we gonna be here forever?
Speaker 1:I'm so happy when santa claus comes to town I know I've been a naughty boy me too. Let's talk about our recent excursion. Hi, this is kelly musgorski and ryan frankowski thank you for listening to.
Speaker 3:Mocktails are messy I'm loving your sweater girl.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I'm getting into the christmas spirit. You know, thanksgiving's over and it's time for christmas.
Speaker 3:Now, where my hoes at cheers got some hot cocoa, we are drinking the spirit of tequila, non-alcoholic Mexican agave, american oak free spirits, the tequila alternative that you all want to have for your spicy, skinny margaritas.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy when Santa Claus comes to town.
Speaker 3:I know I've been a naughty boy Me too.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about our recent excursion.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, body boy, me too. Let's talk about our recent excursion. Oh my god, you were the best when it came to gift giving this year for my birthday, 11, 11 was lit at cheerleaders of the strip club in the strip district. No pun intended, that was really good kelly came to your party.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, I brought my mother-in-law, I got you the gentleman's package, what every guy goes to the strip club, what they want, and I was able to do that for you and we actually did it together. That was my first lap dance, probably not yours oh, no, no, no, I've had multiple lap dances okay. So we got a lap dance together. Though First time together, my first time, we held hands.
Speaker 3:We both like instantly, like just held hands, Like we were like we need to like, experience this and, like I, was a little nervous.
Speaker 1:Well, because we could like grip each other's hand when it was like a little much. I was like like sitting in the corner and I'm like I'll just watch, and she was like sit next to him. Oh my god, she was a boss and she's like how do you know each other? And we were like, um, we are co-hosts, but you know, we also dated before and I'm married to his best friend now and we're best friends and she loved it yeah, she was like oh, and then she was like you're so hot, like to you and um I was impressed.
Speaker 1:I think it was the cologne, I think that's what it was you were looking pretty fly and then she like, licked my chest and was like she's like, and you taste good and then she straddled both of us.
Speaker 3:I hate to say this but like, sometimes you're kind of like stripper, like are they clean, like that was my first time, yeah and then she's like sucking, she's like licking in my ear and I'm like oh, that was too much.
Speaker 1:I was like oh, I don't think I cleaned that wax out, but thanks for getting it and then. So I guess she goes, she goes.
Speaker 3:You guys can touch me anywhere you want except for my kitty but then she touched me and you and we had clothes on, so it wasn't like she actually touched it, like without the fabric.
Speaker 1:There you can't touch my, and then she ended up like blowing on z and on your with her mouth.
Speaker 3:I wasn't upset about it what are these? Parameters like well, because she is the entertainer, she's the talent you can do whatever she wants to you not consent that's a good point. You know what I'm? Saying like I guess as a man you're not gonna be like upset if she grabs you down there. As a girl I can.
Speaker 3:I can only imagine that would have been a little violating if you're like, hey, this is the one-way street I was just like shocked, you know I mean, I think the thing about you is like sometimes, like when you push the boundary too too far, and then you're like whoa, whoa, like back it up yeah like you're like very like cool girl, like whatever, blah, blah, blah, and then like that did kind of make you a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it made me uncomfortable because it and I wasn't expecting that well, she blew.
Speaker 3:She was giving me raspberries on my I love raspberries on my I don't know, so what did?
Speaker 1:you think of it like that's not what I was expecting heaven.
Speaker 3:I was like I can only like it's. It's actually a little sad when you're doing it on your own. You're kind of like this is like not as memorable because, like, I'm not like with a person that I'm gonna like we're gonna remember this forever.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, together to experience it with your bestie.
Speaker 3:That was special. It was so special and I can only imagine like why our friends, the two couples that were the swingers that came, with us they were like this is like our MO. We come here like once a month. It's so much fun.
Speaker 3:And I'm like now I can see why like those kind of cool couples would be like this is totally our speed. And I got a voice note actually right before we came into the studio. It was from my relatives. I don't know if he meant to send it, it was an audio message and it was of my aunt. She was like what was your experience at like cheerleaders?
Speaker 2:my uncle was recording her and she wasn't aware and she's like in your mind's eye what were you expecting before you walked in there? Worse, worse. It was actually so much better than I thought it would be really.
Speaker 3:Yes dirty old men and not that attractive you know, I thought it was going to be terrible with a bunch of old men in there, but she's like, it was actually really kind of classy. They were kind of cute.
Speaker 1:My mother-in-law was wow, that was so artistic.
Speaker 3:Isn't it weird to think like 15 years ago we would never be able to bring our parents or my grandparents?
Speaker 1:I did get a really weird like voicemail today.
Speaker 3:Oh God, I don't know. Is it a scam artist? I don't know what to think about it.
Speaker 1:It just reminds me of something in high school, like someone told me that I was in like porno and I thought, oh my god, was I like recorded, without knowing? And I drove to their house and I looked at the porno and the bitch looked nothing like me so they were just fucking with you they were fucking with me I think unless there's some people that can't really recognize faces and stuff. I don't know, but I got this really weird message today.
Speaker 2:Hi darling, I'm just calling in regards to Mocktails, are Messy Seems to be the co-host that I'd like to do. An expose on your OnlyFans is really interesting. It is about doing an article about a messy mama of two. So if you could give me a call back, I'd like to get your work to put into the article. It's going to launch by Monday, so you want to give a response to this article coming out. I spoke with your publicist. I'm just not sure how to feel about it.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to talk about Rebecca syndrome. It is a new thing. We all know what a Karen is right.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, I hate Karen.
Speaker 1:So now there's another term, like name, coined as like a syndrome, and it's Rebecca, did you just get a little aggressive, like slapping the table? I did. Oh, my God. I wish it was your ass though, what is rebecca syndrome, a term used to describe obsessive feelings about a partner's past? You?
Speaker 3:were describing this.
Speaker 1:I can't really follow it yeah, so it's like a past, a partner's past relationship, and it it's like, especially, like you know, their exes. Um, it comes from a character in a novel, the 1938 novel called rebecca, and rebecca struggles with jealousy and insecurity. Her symptoms are, you know, people with this syndrome often compare themselves to their partner's exes, feeling inadequate or insecure, and it it leads to like obsessive, compulsive thoughts about the acts and anxiety about their relationship. Um, you know the root causes. Um, according to experts, this is like a psych, like psychologists actually are aware of this syndrome. Now it's feelings of like stem from unresolved issues in childhood, unfortunately, like feeling overlooked by family, and these past experiences kind of like affect how someone views current relationships. So they kind of get feel overlooked and they get fixated on this ex and they just can't stop thinking about them, like, have you ever met anyone like this? Didn't you have an ex like that before? That was like kind like like a really short thing. You broke it off because it kind of like freaked you out.
Speaker 3:Yes, they got obsessed with your ass. It was, they were I. I mean I shouldn't say their name. I don't know if we should, pobs, we'll just say it's pobs.
Speaker 1:He was so sweet so like that. He did have a lot of trauma growing up and that's why you know he does fit this syndrome.
Speaker 3:But he just oh wait, and that crazy girl from bar louis, oh that one too, yeah well, she's obsessed with me and it's like girl but anyways, by no lie yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you were trying to hang out with this person, you're trying to go on dates, and all they wanted to talk about was your ex yeah, and they were like your ex used you for a green card.
Speaker 3:your ex, like I saw him at the club, like um, you're still thinking about your ex, like you won't say I love you because you're still in love with your ex.
Speaker 1:It was just like but that wasn't true. None of it was true, right.
Speaker 3:No, but you know what's so fucked up about these people.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 3:Because I feel like I'm pretty like intuitive, social, intelligent, smart enough, like maybe not SAT smart, like we said enough. Like maybe not sat smart, like we said yeah. But I was like am I getting gaslit? Like I was starting to believe it. They were like, oh yeah, he used you for a green card. You know you're still in love with. I'm. Like I'm not in love with them, like what the fuck? And then I'm like I'm they didn't use me for a green card, like I wanted to get married, like it was just so bizarre yeah, have you ever had a rebecca syndrome and can we?
Speaker 3:say it in layman's terms Because it's still a little confusing. So it's your new partner, like your new boyfriend or your new girlfriend is obsessed with your previous relationship.
Speaker 1:Like that ex, exactly Obsessed about it. It's like a jealousy, it's like an insecure thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A lot of insecurity going on today. I have not ever had that happen to me. I have had friends like that and it kind of like freaked me out and I kind of felt I don't even know if I want to be like friends with this person because like they just seem kind of like obsessive and like dangerous right like date lines real exactly, and I'm like you know what like I, and I've also had friends kind of get a little obsessed with me.
Speaker 1:That um to the point where oh, my god, they're so obsessed, I'm kind of speaking from like real experiences people, just I'm teasing, you have like you know, latched on really hard.
Speaker 3:I've no, I know you've had that happen to you as well, and it's like they want to claim you as like their best friend or like something like that. And it's like they're just always want to be where you're going and they keep calling you and they keep texting, yeah, like where are you?
Speaker 1:and stuff and it's like like why aren't you responding? I've had to get restraining orders before.
Speaker 3:What? Yeah, I don't know if I knew that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you tell me that?
Speaker 1:It that? Yeah, this person, um, it was in high school. This person was hiding behind trees and bushes and houses nearby, trying to look into my house to see where I was.
Speaker 3:Wait, I vaguely remember wouldn't stop calling, you told me right yeah, I did have to get a restraining order before I know this person um not personally okay, that's creepy cow, I'm sorry yeah, so it this does. This is a disorder that exists yeah, fuck, that's kind of sad and like that's like a real thing, like you gotta be careful I wanted to talk about misunderstood defense mechanisms. Yeah, what exactly does? So you're like really into like these new trends and like I can't really follow it's interesting I think it's happened to both of us okay, so misunderstood it or misunderstood.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm teaching my four-year-old how to talk right now um defense mechanisms okay yeah, I wanted to have like a thoughtful reflection and I did write this down because I wanted it to be not like knee jerk. Insensitive Mental health disorders do exist and I'm not here to like attack somebody or shame somebody.
Speaker 3:And I mean maybe it's more acknowledged than ever, that's it Misunderstood defense mechanisms.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it's like a phenomenon, phenomenon, phenomenon.
Speaker 3:Now who's the? A phenomenon, phenomenon, phenomenon. Now who's the? Four-year-old?
Speaker 1:needing to be taught Shut up, you bitch. I think we've all encountered it. Actually, it's when people feel the need to defend themselves, even when it's not about them. So I'm telling you something about my day and then you start defending yourself. Picture this you're in a conversation, sharing your thoughts or your experiences. Someone suddenly feels the urge to like defend their stance or their choices that you didn't ask anything about, by the way, and they may get like emotionally charged, even as if you're personally attacking them, and it's like you're just telling them about your day yeah and this reaction can feel really confusing to like somebody.
Speaker 2:Yes, and this reaction can feel really confusing to like somebody.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, and probably like both parties. I don't know, and especially like when your intent as like a speaker, to your friend is simply to just like share your perspective about your day. Have you had this happen to you yeah.
Speaker 3:I think a lot of times I just okay, I'm going to roll with it, Like I just want them to like calm down.
Speaker 3:I love to placate people I'm like oh my God, I am so like there's a lot of fucking crazy people in real estate Like you know, and so there was somebody recently, like another agent from another company, that was like I don't need any of that, I don't want people being around, I need my privacy with my clients when I'm doing the showing. And I'm like, okay, I could do two different reactions to this craziness. I could either put her in her place and say like chill the F out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Or I could placate and be like kill them with kindness.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm like I'm going to kill them with kindness and it felt so much better and then they felt like kind of dumb. They were like oh, you are so kind, I'm sorry. Like I didn't mean to go off on you.
Speaker 2:And I'm like it's totally okay, I understand.
Speaker 3:I'm a new agent. I would be more than happy to give your privacy with you and your client. So I think a lot of times it's just you really have to not get wound up and not really take offense to it, because usually they are just like and you know we've all been there. But I think me and you are a little bit more in tune with like reality where we're like, hey, we're not going to be paranoid and like even if that person is kind of coming for us like shady we're like hey, whatever, we love comedy and you know you crack a joke, I crack a joke, I have thick skin.
Speaker 1:You hopefully do yeah, yeah, no, oh my gosh, I've had my ass chewed too many times by sexually or like oh, not sexually um. So I kind of did like some research. It said, like what's going on here in these moments? In what moments in these moments where people get like very defensive or they have this knee-j jerk reaction and they kind of like like they think you're talking shit about them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're paranoid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're like. It's like a misunderstood defense mechanism where they're just like yeah going off. Nothing was intended to upset anyone, right like you're usually just telling them, like a story about your day yeah, or like you said at work, like someone's going off on you when you're just like trying to show a house at the same time, or you you need to go in there for something you know I dug a little deeper with that.
Speaker 3:Apparently she's gotten like clients taken from her meaning, like the client wasn't happy with them and then they. She thought I was lurking in the, you know see, here's the thing.
Speaker 1:She sees you. You're a likable person. Oh, he's here to steal my girl. It's mr still your girl. Oh, mr still your client no, you're not trying to do that.
Speaker 1:You're just like chilling. It boils down to like individuals, experiences and backgrounds. What you just said, like you're like, oh, maybe she thought I was trying to steal her client. Or like they've experienced certain traumas in the past, right, um so, people, this is what I think. This is how we can be insensitive. Sometimes we don't carry like our traumas and our insecurities with us, but a lot of people carry their insecurities, their past conflict flicks and their traumas with them 24, seven and they just have like these knee jerk reactions. They're just like feeling their emotions and it's kind of like their identity, right, it's like they're under threat. It's like, oh my gosh, this person is threat to me. You know, even if that's not the case, how they're acting can create like unnecessary tensions. It's hard because it doesn't just affect them, it affects the person they're communicating with or trying to communicate with. So, basically, like what you said is where you how to navigate. It would just be to like have empathy kill them with kindness.
Speaker 3:I've always loved that.
Speaker 1:Don't get defensive, like you said.
Speaker 3:You don't get that way and well, I mean, I think we've all been there where we have just let it snap, because every now and then we're tired pmsing. Like I noticed, like I have a short fuse when I don't have a lot of sleep oh, sleep really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a big thing for me as well.
Speaker 2:Or don't work out. Oh, working out has been my saving grace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Now do you end up asking like open-ended questions to kind of get to the root of it.
Speaker 3:sometimes I usually just try to be you open up to me. I am no judgment because truthfully like I am a mess. I'm imperfectly aspiring to not even be perfect, but just be a better version.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're pretty fucked up too, oh yeah, as am I.
Speaker 3:I mean like I struggle with, like identity issues.
Speaker 1:When you move a million times, you don't fucking know who you are. Sometimes. No, it takes a minute. You don't? I understand that, you don't?
Speaker 3:You get it, you get it, you get it Like we're like wait, who are we? Are we going to be here forever? Like even my brother wrote this really sweet birthday card and he's like hope you're here for another year, like hope you don't leave us, like hope you're not a flight risk. And I was like that was so sweet and I wanted to like give him a hug and just say, like you are like my boy know he means so much to you, he's my ride or die and I know that, like you know, me and him have like had our ups and downs and like that's just normal, like you know, with siblings, but I know him and your sister-in-law just mean the world to you and you're really blessed to have them well, you as well.
Speaker 3:I mean we have to say like our family has shaped us and yeah we lean on them for not only emotional support, but like also, we don't need a million friends no, I need like two friends yeah like. I mean, I could name like five I don't have time for that yeah, and that's all good right we're getting old now, do you ever get in like a mood with your taste of music?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, I'm always like top hits and then all of a sudden I went skirt and like love now, like rufus and like disclosure, which are like I don't even know what genre that is.
Speaker 1:That's not like disco type of thing, or?
Speaker 3:Is it like electronic? Electronic, yeah, yeah, like I've been into the electronic now because Because you saw them live right. I did and I was like fuck, like my life is like changed forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so sometimes do you feel like maybe you don't want to hear like words, like it's too much to hear the words and stuff yeah, like the lyrics now bother me in some music fuck.
Speaker 1:That's what I want to talk about. When I'm pmsing, my taste for music changes drastically wherever I'm at in my cycle. When I'm like on my cycle I'm listening to, like stevie nicks, cheryl crow, the dixie chicks, billy joel, the beatles, the who, you know, just older stuff, and it's almost like that older music. It has more creative expression, it's meaningful and storytelling. And then you get to like the stuff. Now that's more current, the major pop stuff. It feels commercialized. It shifts towards consumer-driven narratives, cheating and substance substance abuse.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:Mind control You're so right Rather than genuine expression, I think, what really bothered me.
Speaker 3:I was sober for three weeks.
Speaker 1:I did not touch alcohol for three weeks. Thank you. You know what I'm really proud of it.
Speaker 3:Intermittently so.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Intermittent.
Speaker 1:And when I was doing it it's like I't want to hear like shabuzy songs oh god, bar tipsy it's like I just didn't want to hear it.
Speaker 3:I love it, but it's like I'm past it, like if it was a year ago I'd probably be like oh god, give me a shot it's like it's well, it's like it makes.
Speaker 1:It's like it kind of made me mad. It's like I don't want to take a shot. Why are we singing about like give me another shot of whiskey? Like I don't fucking want that well, you know what?
Speaker 3:I want to listen to it. I think it's honestly he probably has a deal with like jameson jack.
Speaker 1:That's what I say like commercialized, and that's what I'm saying. It's like I felt like an angry old hag. It's like I didn't. It's like I don't want to hear about this an angry old hag.
Speaker 3:Maybe it's because I was anti-alcohol. Me too For that time period.
Speaker 1:Because I was like I'm not doing it, like I just I'm not going to have that.
Speaker 3:And I didn't push you on that For the record, I never pushed it.
Speaker 1:You did not. I do think that you inspired me, though.
Speaker 3:You said in those three weeks your anxiety just disappeared, it dissipated.
Speaker 1:So you're saying like just from taking a break, yeah, you're more like wow, I'm a firm believer. And like don't drink every week.
Speaker 3:Go like one, two, three weeks between when you drink cleanse and yesterday after and that's like everything, when people say oh I just have one drink or two drinks on a friday. Give your body like a full three week, even a month break I know you recommended like six weeks everything that is gonna make progress and you're gonna see a noticeable change, like I notice like when I go from like eating like poorly to like six weeks of eating really healthy. I really see a change here's the thing.
Speaker 1:If you can struggle through those six weeks really might not be shit to you anymore. But like, like yeah. I don't know. Three weeks I was PMSing hard. I was very, like you know, irritated.
Speaker 3:Well, is that because you had your period before you started and now you're having it?
Speaker 1:I'm about to get it again, yeah, and so it's almost like I'm going through this cycle. I was like, okay, I did, I, I did. Good, I'm just gonna like have a little something I didn't have as much as I normally would have, which I'm impressed yeah, and that's a mind.
Speaker 3:Maybe this is like it's breaks, like you just have to do breaks to remember. Hey, like build up your tolerance, like there was an article about a tea break because after the pandemic, everybody was like smoking tons of weed, drinking tons of wine and like booze and everybody needed a tea break, which t stands for tolerance.
Speaker 1:So, like then, it was like okay, now we can get back to a healthy, moderated drinking or smoking pot I think that if you're a drinker, like obviously like sugar is not good for you either, or like saturated fats and stuff, but I would say like my new thing is every two or three weeks, yeah maybe I enjoy something or like.
Speaker 3:I know it can get a little heavy over the holidays, but which is fun like everybody should have fun and do whatever is best for their lifestyle yeah for me, like it just, I don't want it or need it. But I'm just thinking about my health down the line exactly like I want to age backwards like let's, let's not get it twisted.
Speaker 1:It's a lot to do with vanity which I don't know if that's entirely possible but, recently you have kind of aged backwards. Why do you still look like such a pumpkin face?
Speaker 3:Like back in those photos. My face was like, so it was like inflamed with water. I looked like a little chubby. That is embarrassing. That is my birthday two years ago. I was so messy Like it was after like the rehearsal dinner for my brother and sister-in-law's wedding oh bad. And mine is just typical drunk I it was after the rehearsal dinner for my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, Uh-huh Bad.
Speaker 1:Mine is just typical drunk. I was like 20. I wasn't even 21 yet, like you.
Speaker 3:The eyes glazed over the eyes glazed over.
Speaker 1:It's scary. It's actually scary to look at. I'd never want to be in that situation again, and neither would you.
Speaker 3:Thank you for listening to Mocktails, or.
Speaker 1:Messy.
Speaker 3:This is Ryan Frankofsky and Kelly Misgorski. Please subscribe, follow, share with your friends. If you do so, that'll allow us to keep making these videos for you.
Speaker 1:It helps us reach more people.
Speaker 3:Text us your messy stories. We have our little billboard and we want you to text us at 424 666 77947794 again, that is 424-666-7794. Yes, ciao, ciao, molto bene molto bene, I love words, so italian always. I've never heard of a hundred is it for? Christmas.
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