Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#19: Coming Out & College Chaos
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Ever wondered what it’s like to mix sexuality with a splash of humor and a hint of fresh, organic botanicals? We kick off our Pride Month celebration with personal coming out stories and the delightful chaos of cocktails and mocktails, featuring the vibrant WithCoCocktails. From a carefree college visit to Daytona Beach involving broccoli, cheese, and cheap gin, to embarrassing bathroom escapades, our wild tales will leave you chuckling and reminiscing about your own youthful misadventures. Get ready to embrace the vibrant essence of Pride with a playful tone that honors both the start of "Mocktails" to milestones and the joys of being the unapologetically "Messy" self you are.
Step back in time with us as we relive our wild college days filled with embarrassing moments and nostalgia. Imagine rushing to an apartment with paper-thin doors after a night of questionable food and drink choices, only to face an awkwardly crowded situation the next morning. We laugh about the lengths we went for privacy and share funny incidents from fraternity houses, all while reflecting on the "work hard, play hard" mentality that shaped our journey from middle school to adulthood. Plus, hear a touching pandemic story involving champagne and a lasting lesson about the true origins of bubbly.
Finally, we dive into themes of personal growth, acceptance, and the complexities of discovering one's true self. We explore the value of solitude, the joys and hurdles of motherhood, and the significance of Gemini June for birthdays and Pride. Listen to heartfelt stories of coming out as bisexual, the support of friends, and the emotional reconnections that redefine our relationships. And as we wrap up, join us in the excitement of a 33rd birthday celebration, complete with the playful anticipation of introducing new romantic interests and creating unforgettable moments with WithCoCocktails. This episode is a heartfelt, fun-filled journey through the messiness of life and the beauty of acceptance.
Mocktails Or Messy podcast
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Celebrating Pride With Cocktails and Mocktails
Speaker 1You know what Anybody that gets upset about that now is like. You know what Fuck you Like.
Speaker 2Definitely naughty. I take off. He can't even keep up. I'm like going fast.
Speaker 1I'm excited to discuss my coming out story, the drive by guy. Now, miss Misty, we got to celebrate Pride Month. You know the letter B. I'm really trying to get you on to the B, you know, but she's strictly dickly. So you know, you never know. If she'd get a little couple more Palomas in her, we might get a little mix up. You've never dabbled in the Lady Pond right.
Speaker 2A few more drinks and I might make out with a chick, oh this is Mocktails Are Messy with Withco. Cocktails. This is Kelly Msgorski, retired party animal.
Speaker 1And Ryan.
Speaker 2Frankowski Cheers, cheers. What are we drinking today, love?
Speaker 1We are drinking With Co Cocktails Amazing, fresh organic botanicals. I mean it is so much better than some of that fake mixy shit out on the market. I mean it does have those real organic ingredients.
Speaker 2Uh, today it's a paloma I've never had a paloma before until today. You gave me kind of like a cheap one at home yes so I could kind of like taste test it now. We're gonna see how this compares yeah, I gave you. Oh yes, yeah, sorry, cam and jack, you did not impress, but let's see if withco impresses. Okay, cheers to that. So I've got a cocktail and you've got a mocktail yes, I do you're still going strong. Yeah, how many days over now?
Speaker 1140 days cool.
Speaker 2All right, let's see how this tastes. Oh, really good. Okay, I feel like I'm tasting an aroma.
Speaker 1It's those real botanicals. You have the grapefruit oil, you have pure cane sugar, grapefruit juice, lime juice. It gives you that nice little flavor that you could have like you're relaxing on the beach that's a breath of fresh air no, and I like the fact that these bottles they come so easy to use.
Speaker 1Like you add the non-alcoholic liquor, which I have the amethyst, so I can just pop that in. It tastes like a real paloma. You have your tequila and then it's like we are easy. This is mocktails or messy, super simple. What was your recollection of the messiest time like you were intoxicated? Did you say that there was some shit involved? Okay, so I do have like a funny story.
Speaker 2So I'm just gonna start by saying that if you don't have an embarrassing shit story, then you're not human. Right? We all poop, don't we?
Embarrassing College Stories
Speaker 1I have one. I definitely poo, I do. It's not like a glitter thing that women have.
Speaker 2But anyways, this is a story from college. I was visiting my boyfriend at the time. Now he's my husband. Yeah, I go to visit him in Daytona Beach and you know when you're a broke college student and you can't really afford food.
Speaker 1Yeah, you just got to like wing it.
Speaker 2So I was visiting him towards the end of the semester, so both of our funds were drying up, and he serves me a plate full, like a huge dinner plate full of broccoli with cheese on top nothing else that was our dinner we.
Speaker 1It was like kind of healthy, but then the cheese made it unhealthy well, I think it was just a disaster like was it frozen trader joe's? It was like not good it.
Speaker 2you know what? I think we lucked out and it was fresh, but you know broccoli cheese.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2There was no other. He didn't serve any like rice with it or chicken or Anyways. So we go from eating the broccoli with the cheese to drinking orange tang. You know, it's like that Sunny D stuff, orange tang. Do you remember orange tang?
Speaker 1No, you know, it's like that, sunny D stuff Orange Tang.
Speaker 2Do you remember Orange Tang? Orange Tang mixed with shitty rotten gin.
Speaker 1No wait, Rotten gin. It tasted rotten. You can't have rotten gin so.
Speaker 2I'm just trying to like it was just trashy, like cheap gin, okay. So everything going in was like yeah, oh, this is a recipe for disaster, right the next day when you have to go.
Speaker 1Oh, my God.
Speaker 2So we wake up and it's you know we're in Florida, I want to go for a walk. I'm like let's go for a walk around the lake, cause they lived on a lake.
Speaker 1Daytona. They lived on a lake, daytona right.
Speaker 2Yes so we're walking, everything's fine, and then it hit me I had to go, so I start. This is when I was still like a runner.
Speaker 1You know running in college.
Speaker 2So I, I take off, he can't even keep up. I'm like going fast, like I probably should have brought that speed to like to a race.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Right and I get in to his apartment and instead of feeling relieved like I made it, everything's going to be okay, I get another feeling like this Like oh worst feeling ever. The apartment is full of his friends and his roommates. It's a tiny little apartment and they're all, like you know, day partying, cause it's.
Speaker 2Saturday and they weren't there when we left, so I wasn't expecting this. And you know they have. They have a their bathroom. It has a paper thin door and it doesn't lock. And I'm thinking, oh my god, I'm not gonna get the privacy I need for this, because this is gonna be like a blowout, oh yeah I couldn't like sit and chat. I'm running to the bathroom, Luckily no one was in there.
Speaker 1I get in there, it's like the only bathroom in the apartment.
Speaker 2And there's like 10 people in the apartment.
Speaker 1Okay, it's a tiny apartment.
Speaker 2Tiny two bedroom, little living room and a little kitchen with a bathroom.
Speaker 1Okay, Was this the same one I visited with you? Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, so I get in there and I'm running the water. I'm playing Pandora on my phone, trying to like play music. So I'm doing everything I can to like block out the sounds.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Finally, like you know, I'm good, but I've been in there a little too long now and it's you know.
Speaker 1Was there any?
Speaker 2noises. No, I, I'm just like. It seemed to get a quiet out there, so I'm just like, oh, they know what's how they know. But I'm still like too embarrassed, so I'm like. I'm like washing my hands, like trying to like spread the bubbles around, like come on, like you know when you wash your hands. Sometimes that can help things smell good. I'm looking for cologne, like I'm looking for anything I can find to maybe like spray the bathroom before I leave nothing.
Speaker 2Um, they were all gentlemen. They acted like you know. They didn't notice, but it was. That was like one of the most embarrassing things, like moments in my like college career oh my god so yeah, so you didn't you didn't.
Speaker 1Oh okay, so it was the alcohol. I didn't think you, I thought it could have been the broccoli, I'm just saying it wasn't it wasn't a good combo I mean probably a combination of all the above yeah, you think, yeah, I would say so yeah, and did anything burn um probably sounds like you have a story, damn yeah let's hear your funniest shit story was ironically with your husband, okay, so?
Speaker 2he's involved in both of these stories. Common denominator there's some common denominator. Something's not adding up yeah, like what?
Speaker 1like I kind of miss those old days, like those messy, messy days. But then we've, we've grown, we're adults. We can't be that like our whole entire life. But me and your husband we were best friends before you came up on the scene and we go to visit my cousin at penn state. I'm a senior, he's a senior, we're, you know, in high school. We're like, yeah, we're going to go hang out, we're going to hang out with my cousin, who's like some frat guy, and he was like, yeah, stay with me for the weekend, we'll have a blast. We had been at their house.
Speaker 1It looked like it was like condemned, it was pretty bad, sounds like the places I hung out, yeah like it was the frat house, that was like they were so fun and so nice and like you could easily get into the frat. I felt, or who knows, I don't know what the process was, but the house was not taken care of right you know. Needless to say, my cousin was really kind. He let me and your uh husband come visit him for the weekend.
Speaker 2We had had jungle juice for the first time oh no yeah you never know, like, how much alcohol is in jungle juice. Yeah, you just don't know no, because we're.
Speaker 1You know, when you're like 18, 19 years old, you're like I haven't really been out and I haven't had that many, you know.
Speaker 2I know they like to put like the ever clear in the jungle juice uh, and that, actually, to be honest, I think it was vladimir, remember that?
Speaker 1oh no, you're bringing back memories it was, was Vladdy, it was Vladdy.
Speaker 2Cheers to Vladdy.
Speaker 1Our first ever, well, vodka right. But anyways, vladimir, with some kind of red. What Kool-Aid? It was jungle juice. How did it turn red?
Speaker 2I think they just got like fruit punch and dumped it.
Speaker 1It was probably fruit punch.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think they just got like fruit punch.
Speaker 1It was probably fruit punch, yeah it just it tasted like Fine. Because you're like, oh well, hey, whatever it takes the bite Away, you don't know how strong it is we get so Messy. I think messy sounds Better than like blackout.
Speaker 2Yeah, or like I don't think this is. Mocktails are messy, so we're gonna say messy.
Speaker 1We got so messy because we were still able to walk. We were just like so lost. We were circling their frat house for probably a good hour looking for the place. We're like wait, is it here? Oh, wait, is it here. And you know, at the time we didn't have google maps on our phone. Like you know, we're gonna sound like we're a dating ourselves, but like you kind of had to, I think at that point you'd be like texting people hoping they got back to you fast enough.
Speaker 2You're like what's the address?
Speaker 1yeah, we didn't have smartphones, that, so it was like you had to text to get like okay, let's, let's see like this yeah you'd be walking looking at house numbers, getting all, getting all confused.
Speaker 2You didn't know, like, oh, maybe it's on the front, the back of this unit, like you wouldn't even know, I know.
Speaker 1Now we are just so like spoiled with like pinpointing, or maybe we become so like immune now to like finding things so easily with Google Maps. Right, I guess. To like make a long story short, my messy shit story with your husband was at Penn State Messy on Jungle Juice Circling the frat, and then we finally find it, maybe continue. The night I passed out in one of the guy's bedrooms, locked myself in there and then woke up in the morning and I smelled like shit. I'm like what is that smell? It smells horrible. I get up and I'm like, oh my god, I shit myself in my sleep. I'm like this is the first time in my adult life, 18 years old, I wake up and I shit myself.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh and what did you do after that? I was so scared, nervous, freaked out. I'm like what's wrong with me? It's like clearly I had way too much to drink for the first time in my life, so I ran to their public bathroom. You know, like when they have like the stalls and stuff yeah I see that there's an open window with like a roof. I pulled everything off and just threw the underwear onto it's, sitting on the roof for like days. I think there were flies. That was embarrassing that is so funny never again did I have jungle juice.
Speaker 1I mean, I definitely got messier and messier as my college you know. I think it's like you know, whenever we were like we were, we were productive members of society. We didn't get like messy every weekend. We just, like you know, worked hard, play hard, study hard, party hard. But yeah, needless to say, you brought in some uh, I mean notes from back in the day, back in middle school I did.
Speaker 2That just reminds me of, though, that work, play, work hard, play hard song that life that song had a life of its own, like it lived through me.
Speaker 1Remember that yeah work hard, play hard, work hard, play hard. Who sang that? I don't remember I just can't get the song out of my head. Well, because you were always working. You were always like a hustler as a kid working at applebee to the Applebee's. We're going to the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern. The Car Wash the Car Wash, clean Town, usa. Okay so.
Speaker 2I have some notes here. It's I didn't read them ahead of time, so I really don't know. Like what they say. These are from you.
Speaker 1What.
Speaker 2You wrote these to me. And to give a little backstory, backstory, we met in seventh grade yeah, these are in middle school three yeah wow so um 20 years ago, kelly I know and I think your handwriting still looks exactly the same, but let's just see this one's kind of long you're giving me your phone number and everything um oh my god okay what was the phone number?
Speaker 1um 74 that's still mine, wow oh my gosh dang okay.
Speaker 2So hey, baby cakes. I'm glad you wrote me before the end of the year. It is depressing having the last week as a freshman. I hope we hang out a lot over the summer, since I don't have what's K-O-K.
Speaker 1Oh Conakwe.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Oh, my God.
Speaker 2So you don't have Camp Conakwe and you don't have vacation. I guess I remembered your number. Let's see if you can remember mine. And then you wrote out this big diagram. It's kind of crazy. I can't even read it. It's like the two you're trying to make me remember it, okay, and then you, but then you just write it out simply but anyways, we might get North Park Pass, even though I don't think you're getting them this year. So North Park Swimming Pool.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Oh, oh well, we'll have to hang out, watch some movies like the Fourth of July, a Diary of a Mad Black Woman, but also go to some pool and chill and, my personal favorites, prank phone calling and making certain people jealous oh my god, I'm about to fall asleep and I want to write more, but I ran out of room, Mmm, Look you flipped, flipped the page.
Speaker 1You flipped the page. It felt the room.
Speaker 2Write me back. Kelly XOXO Ryan, wow.
Speaker 1I was really into you.
Speaker 2And you wrote it's wrote. Yeah, it was kind of a lot. And then you wrote a lot of other ones too. Sorry, his handwriting was horrid, so that's why I had to read so slow. Do you want to read a different one? Real quick.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's read a quick different one and let me know if you need any help.
Speaker 2So your handwriting is so horrid that I'm going to have you just read this one oh my god, is it that bad?
Speaker 1yeah damn, my handwriting is not good, kelly. What's up? I decided not to write back to cory because I don't want to be cheating on my writing. Buddy kelly, are you going to the dance? I don't know if I'm going or not. If you are, we could hang out. Mr Utz is what class I'm in? And my mother is staring at my ass. I got up to get a Kleenex and she looked at it and I think she wanted to bite it. What can I say? I have a nice ass, lol. Just kidding. I think she wanted some of it. She wrote me a note saying she didn't know if she should give me a letter, the blank one you were talking about. Maybe she will. Modeling career it's a diagram. We're nasty, I know. I think it was because we were just like cracking up because this girl was a little delusional and she was very mean.
Speaker 1Yeah, and she said like she had. She was like offered a modeling contract. Yeah, you know, whenever you're like in middle school and you're like maybe a little insecure and you like come up with some white lies, and yeah, that's not a white lie, a modeling contract, this is like so this isn't even high school shit, this is so middle school this is middle school, so I just thought it was so funny to show the history I know it all was starting in 2003 yeah I do think about like the old days, like how we've kind of evolved.
Speaker 1And you know, one of my most recent messy stories was during the pandemic and one of my friend's mom passed away and she had cancer. And I go to Boston and I'm just a sucker for like really good champagne.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1And you know, the Voo was flowing and Voo Le Croco, voo Le Croco, it's a French one. Anyways, I mean, you should know. You know France is where champagne is. You know what we discussed in episode two Mm-hmm Prosecco.
Speaker 1Italian Italy, where champagne is? You know what we discussed in episode two prosecco italian italy. Let's rewind to episode two. Yes, it's a prosecco, it's a, and don't ever get confused. You know, champagne is only made in champagne. She's aware, she. She just forgot. You know. I think a lot of people get confused with like champagne as like bubbles, but champagne is only made in Champagne. France.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1But I'm going to open up. I mean, don't.
Speaker 2I never know if you're being serious or not.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, I'm going to have to look that up.
Speaker 1Anyways, the Voo was flowing, the Voo, the Voo I can't pronounce it. Anyways, it was like that moment in time where I think I might have taken an edible and I was just like coming off of a red eye flight from West Coast to East Coast, la to Boston. There's no excuse in the book to behave at 31, 32 the way I did. I was just really intoxicated, couldn't stop drinking. Everybody was celebrating this, you know, celebration of life for my friend's mother who lived to be only 70. But it was like a complete disaster. I got way too intoxicated, I think, with the mixing, the crossfading, you know. I just was like on the floor rolling around. People said that I was funny, but like you, don't behave like that at like a funeral celebration no, that's you know.
Speaker 2When your ex told me that story, my jaw dropped. I just thought damn, I've never seen him that bad before.
Speaker 1There's no excuse, that's just not the time and place. Oh, no Like at a house party.
Speaker 2Sure, I don't care, but like not at a funeral.
Speaker 1You know what I started to realize when I was going through it, like I was kind of in a state like my grandmother passed away but still no excuse for that behavior. I was like not sure what I was doing with my career, not really sure like where the relationship was going. I guess in the same way I thought like this is it. Like you know, this is forever, and so maybe I was kind of just going through so many things that I was escaping the reality of I don't know where my career is going. I guess this is the relationship I am indefinitely, which you know in some ways, like some people will say, like that's very loving and comforting, but I probably didn't know what I wanted.
Speaker 2But I was in it.
Speaker 1I was in the thick of it and then to mix like an edible and Vouv like champagne, like just excessive amounts. I just went off, you know, off the deep end, and was rolling around on the floor and making a fool out of myself at 31 and not cute, and I I really regret it and I think that's kind of what fast forward to now. Two years later, I'm like I am not ever going back to those days, like steer away, like I'm like I'm scarred and I'm sure that they are scarred as well.
Speaker 1I mean, you're, you're a little scarred, and I'm sure that they are scarred as well. Yes, yeah, I mean you're a little scarred, just to hear the story. Yeah, because you've never seen me. I was always kind of more of the responsible friend or the I don't know Like. I like to get messy, but I don't think I was ever that bad with you.
Speaker 2No, I feel like you know I wasn't there so I can't have secondhand embarrassment, but I have like the thirdhand embarrassment from hearing the story.
Speaker 1Yeah, hey make me another one of those drinks. I'm sorry, you're a little bossy right now. What's up with that?
Speaker 2I don't want to talk about it, thank you.
Speaker 1I have had some people that are following that reached out to me and said I don't know how you like have talked about all these things on a public platform but you've never told me. I'm learning so much about you and I don't know if you should go that far in, like I don't know if that should be so public. And I said well, you're the same person that told me I don't think that you should advertise that you're in therapy.
Speaker 2This was when I was a kid, I was like so casual about discussing.
Speaker 1like hey, I have a therapist and this is me at like 12 years old and the same person that's like a little concerned we're being too open and honest is like, I mean, even like coming out to them was difficult, so I don't know where this comes from.
Speaker 2like I think some people are a little bit more private than maybe you and I and I know that you and I were talking about our pile of letters that we've written- yeah two people just kind of to get our frustrations out, and we never send them.
Speaker 1Yeah, this is something that we both found out about recently.
Speaker 2Yeah, you said you were writing a letter and I said me too.
Speaker 1Uh-huh, I know I was shocked, but it just goes to show you that's why we are such close friends.
Speaker 2And I was like you're going to send it? Nah, I think I need send it. I don't know. You told me I shouldn't. Well, you know what I feel like for me. I write the letter and then like that's enough for me, just getting it out on paper. If I feel that things have calmed down. I'm not gonna like fire it back up.
Speaker 1But do you feel like that's the definition of insanity?
Speaker 2Yes, I'm absolutely insane. Like I'm not, I'm not in denial, like I'm not living a lie, like I'm fucking insane.
Speaker 1I mean, hey, we takes one to know one. We both are a little insane in the membrane.
Speaker 2Insane in the membrane. Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain.
Speaker 1Insane in the membrane. I mean it's just because maybe it's like a personality disorder, I don't know. I'm finding myself learning a lot more this year than I've ever learned in my entire life.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I don't know if it's because we were living in other cities. And coming back to the birds, Some years.
Speaker 2Some years are like that.
Speaker 1That's true.
Speaker 2Like I've had some really stagnant years lately just because I'm focused on being a mom and stuff like that. But you know, I've had some years that I just grew by leaps and bounds and it's such an amazing feeling Like you just feel like you're on a roll and you're, you're getting it.
Personal Growth and Acceptance
Speaker 1Yeah, you're getting it in. Getting it. Yeah, you're getting it. Good, getting it in. I mean, I'll tell you what, like one thing I learned this year was solitude being okay independently, like just isolated in your room reading on the computer, yeah, turning off the phone, focusing on you know, whether it be studying, educating yourself, learning, podcasting, whatever it may be, I just like my like solitude oh my gosh, me too.
Speaker 2It's all I ever want. Now I put the kids to bed and in the rare case that I have solitude which is kind of rare I just eat it up. I eat it up I mean, I've been actually wanting to take a bath for two months now. I bought the bath salts, I'm ready to go.
Speaker 1It's like a rose.
Speaker 2It's a rose scented one, and I'm thinking like one of these days I'm going to have solitude and take a bath.
Speaker 1I know, but it just doesn't happen when you're a mom. Do you think that you're just overprotective, like as a millennial mom? Um, potentially.
Speaker 2I just don't trust people. I told you, let me take care of the kids. Yeah, I don't trust you.
Speaker 1You don't? Oh my God, at the end of the day, I think that you're doing an amazing job. I mean, it is almost June, june 1st, are you?
Speaker 2ready. I'm so ready for my birthday month.
Speaker 1I know You're going to have a whole month of birth month.
Speaker 2I'm a Gemini.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know you got the twin flames going on.
Speaker 2Got some twin flames yeah.
Speaker 1Which twin Can you describe your two twins?
Speaker 2Definitely naughty and nice okay, okay.
Speaker 1So you got the sweetie pie. Like gonna do like a lot for somebody thing ever go above and beyond for your loved ones, I'm gonna rot your teeth oh wow, the what's the naughty one naughty is like is it like naughty, like naughty girl? Ory is like Is it like naughty girl or is it like? So it is definitely sexual.
Speaker 2But she can be a little mean too. She can be a little nasty.
Speaker 1Do. They deserve it.
Speaker 2If you deserve it, you're going to get it, baby. Oh shit, I feel you Okay so let's talk about what we're most excited about, though for june, besides my birthday um, I'm excited to discuss my coming out story as we get into the month of june.
Speaker 1I identify as the dry by guy now, and this is miss misty. We proud, we are happy to celebrate Pride. I am finally more in tune with myself this year. I think it's been every year leading up to this point when I first was kind of figuring my life out. Who am I, what do I like, what do I love? What do I identify as?
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 1I want to say thank you for making me always feel like, first and foremost, just a fucking normal, regular human.
Speaker 2Yeah, I've never thought anything of it.
Speaker 1Some people were a little distraught about it and maybe you can touch on why.
Speaker 2I think it's probably they were very confused if, if you identify a certain way, then that's how you should live. Like why would I tell you that you can't be yourself?
Speaker 1I mean, I do think in some weird way I probably misled or maybe were confusing people, like just being into both like men and women, and figuring that out later at like 21 22 for someone to get upset about, like I know and you know what anybody that gets upset about that.
Speaker 1Now it's like you know what fuck you like we we're good, weird, I know, and you never made me feel like that. I think in some ways that's why we become like so close as we've gotten older. It's because I've become who I really am today, because of you and my family and some of my friends that have been there along the ride you kind of held a lot inside, yeah for the longest time I remember you.
Speaker 2there was one time I got a little upset because you were not being forthcoming and then you, like, pawned your uncle off on me to drive home and I'm like what is going on? Let's touch on that story.
Speaker 1Yeah, so like I think for the first time, I was like really aware.
Speaker 2I think it was 22 years old, so is this the first like hookup you had it with another man? Was that at 22?
Speaker 1that was at 22 wow, okay yeah, because I don't think I really found anyone like truthfully, I was like always like oh my god, like emily allison kelly, like oh my god, sarah.
Speaker 2Like in high school. Were you looking for potentially a man like? Were you aware at that time?
Speaker 1no, because I don't think, truthfully, I don't think I saw any guy that I was like, oh damn, like what's up, what?
Speaker 2like hey, buddy, what like? Where was your turning point?
Speaker 1or the epiphany moment, like the aha moment when did you have an epiphany? It was when we went to bonnie and clides in wexford and the bartender was there yes, okay, so which?
Discovering Sexual Identity and Acceptance
Speaker 1isn't bonnie and clides anymore. No, do you know what it is? Now I have to figure it out. It's like in that complex where orange theory is, and then like it's across the street from sheets off in 19, it had like a big um, whatever, like a vehicle that was sticking out of the restaurant. Anyways, bonnie and claude's, there was a bartender there and I was like why do I feel a certain vibe? He's looking at me, I'm looking at him. It's like the eyes were there.
Speaker 2I just felt a thing did you find yourself kind of like checking him out?
Speaker 1I honestly don't think I was, but I was like oh, he's a good looking dude, he looked at you. You saw him looking at you and you were like oh fuck yeah, I think it was that oh my okay, my Okay, that's cool yeah like you know, attention lovers seekers, attention seekers Like we can't help ourselves.
Speaker 2So then did you just get kind of like curious.
Speaker 1I think I was just like wait, why am I feeling like I want to like hang out, talk, grab this guy's number, wow, Like it was like like it all kind of like.
Speaker 1Yeah, I was even making out with a girl at the bar after drinking there and he told me like, after getting the number and stuff, he kind of like played it off, like he was like, oh wow, like you guys were getting really hot and heavy, like it was kind of hot and then, but it was, like, you know, playing like it wasn't like directly, like you know, like it wasn't obvious. I think that was kind of the cat and mouse game.
Speaker 2We finished our shift up at the BBT and you said let's go to Bonnie and. Clyde and I said said what about your uncle carl? And you said we got to get there now before it closes. So we have some time. We're taking them with us and I was like okay, cool, like you know, uncle carl's a good time right because he was the um doorman security security.
Speaker 1Yeah for the bar that we worked at.
Speaker 2Yeah, so we get to bonnie and clyde's and you're showing me these messages, these like flirty messages, and you're telling me it's from a girl yeah, and I'm reading them and I'm like, as I'm reading them, I'm seeing the way this bartender's looking at you and I'm seeing you look at him and I'm thinking what the fuck is going on right now, because I really like had no idea well, because you knew like from me and you like dating in like middle school, and then even me dating like emily, and then who
Speaker 1else sarah, and then I guess gina and I was just like never really even like entertaining the idea of like dating a guy or even being interested in a guy, because I'm like if I saw an attractive dude I was like, oh, I just want to look like that, or I just want to have a six-pack like that. It was like more of like a bromance type of like oh, if I thought that looked hot, yeah, I wanted that yeah, so we had taken my car and you were like I, I have a ride home.
Speaker 1I need you to take my uncle carl home yeah, and you were like I have a ride home, I need you to take my Uncle Carl home. Yeah, and you were looking at me, pissed off. You're like what the fuck? And now, looking back, you weren't pissed off that I was hooking up or being shady you were more annoyed that you had to drive Uncle Carl home Exactly.
Speaker 2I'm like I got to drive back to the city. Now you run this on me Now. I got to drive back to the city. Now you run this on me. Now I have to drive Uncle Carl home, yeah, and.
Speaker 1I think I conned you into going there because you know when you're working as a bartender and you're like I want to go somewhere where I know a bartender for the cheap drinks.
Speaker 2Yes, yeah, and I was like all about it. I'm like, yeah, let's get these like half off drinks.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, they were probably more than half off.
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't know, but I don't actually think I had any. I think it was all you. Yeah, because we did take my car, but anyways, it wasn't until like a while later that I put two and two together, because even when you did get into your first like relationship, when you would talk to me about them, you would tell me that it was a girl and that we were gonna get along.
Speaker 2So well, and we were like the same then, when I finally came to, penn state and met them. I remember they were sitting out on the roof of the of the party. You know when we were partying, my god, and they had this energy, I'm like oh my god, I love this person, like I gravitated immediately uh-huh and I went out on the roof, hit it off with them. I was telling you how much I loved your friend yeah and that's when you told me it's more than a friend and I remember I just burst out into tears in like a happy like emotional way.
Speaker 1You were like so excited for me, or you were also relieved.
Speaker 2I think it was such a shock that emotionally like I just started to cry, but I was happy.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Like I don't know how to explain it. I've never actually had that before.
Speaker 1I think you felt like there was a void between us, like we had something that was there, was like a missing piece, and you felt like we were distancing ourselves.
Speaker 2Yes. Because I was hiding a part of who I was, Because I was so happy that maybe we could just like.
Speaker 1Reconnect. Yeah, we did have that missing piece, yeah, and I think it even happened we talked about like years ago. We have, like you know, these breaks and like we're still come back together Like nothing has changed. But that was a big, important part and I was like almost like so, like deathly afraid to like divulge this information to you, because at the time I'm like, okay, if I'm going to date somebody of the same sex, I'm going to this is me indefinitely.
Speaker 1But then you know, you figure out like oh, after having a threesome with a girl and a guy, then you start like dating girls again. It's like oh wait, no, this is real, this is who you are. You just don't know who you are at 22 and you're figuring shit out.
Speaker 2You truly don't know who you are at 22, and you're figuring shit out. You truly don't, and that's when I got married and luckily you know there's two courses of action you can grow with your spouse or you can grow apart, and luckily I've grown with my spouse.
Speaker 1Yeah, but you guys are fortunate so how did everybody else react?
Speaker 2Can you give me some reactions that stand out to you still?
Speaker 1Maybe you had some tough ones, like because I know that when you came out it was a big deal for you yeah, I think it was really hard to like talk about with my family because they knew me as one way, and then they're like kind of throwing a curveball because you were like the player, like you had girls like knocking at your door you know, I just love girls. Like I love, like I love and you still do exactly, and like I think that was the hardest part.
Speaker 1I think because you know, people were like oh wait, who are? Who is this person, though? Because they didn't really see in 2013 what it was like to be like a bisexual guy. They thought, okay, you know, bi is a lie, you're on your way to like gay train or you just didn't have that as like real, like it was more common or more accepting for a female to be bisexual or fluid, because it's like oh well, right.
Speaker 2Well, that was the movies they'd have the girls making out in the movies. Was it like american pie? I don't know like the different movies and stuff, it was like, oh, it's hot to be a lesbian, but yeah, the it was tough to be gay back then, like 15 years ago, so there's a lot of people that have paved that path, though.
Speaker 1Think about, like you know, me going through a hard time. I really can't even touch the surface on truly having a hard experience, because I went through high school and college essentially being kind of like accepted, being a white male that identified as straight and then found like a male partner really at the end of college as a senior I'm 22. And I really just gravitated towards one person because they were impeccably dressed and they looked like somebody that stepped out of like a GQ magazine oh my gosh, yeah.
Speaker 1And their personality was pretty good, oh for sure. And you know, the one thing that I kind of liked was like I it's like I was like the hunter, I was like trying to go after them, so like there was like this like natural inclination that I was like, okay, I'm accepting who I am if you like it, great, if you don't fuck off. And only people that I really cared about was you, your husband, my, my brother, my parents, maybe my roommate and like three other friends, because I really didn't want to lose them. And you know I had to kind of cut people out of my life that weren't accepting.
Speaker 2Can you talk about how that felt that some people weren't accepting?
Speaker 1I think for me, I was so confident in who I was that I pretended like, oh, fuck them, it doesn't bother me that I they need me more than I need them. Yeah. But truthfully, if I was digging really deep and was in therapy, I probably would have been like, you know, that stung a little bit, like that hurt a little bit. But guess what, I have a lot of friends and you were like on cloud nine oh yeah, I was so happy in this new relationship and I was so happy to, like you know, test the waters and like fully 100 and you know, five percent.
Speaker 1I want to say five percent extra because I was like I found this new spark know I felt like there was something missing and it really was. Like you know, I didn't want to like dress a certain way because I didn't want to be too metrosexual.
Speaker 2But now I like, I remember when your style changed you started just being more at a very different style. You went from being like know, athletic pants like a bro, just casual dressed to.
Speaker 1You're wearing like bright colors and suits, and patterns I would say it was flamboyant oh yeah, it was definitely flashy and it was definitely a little androgynous in a way that it was like you know, it was like high fashion, kind of like wannabe runway kind of like.
Speaker 2It almost reminded me of like european.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, I mean like it was living in new york city too, I think there was just access to so many different clothes that could have been unisex, but they were like the men, that was, that were more comfortable and being a little bit like you know, testing the limits and boundaries on oh, is this a woman's, or is this a man's, or is it just unisex and is it high fashion? And you know, I felt like everything was a little bit tighter, a little bit more, you know, provocative and yeah, and I gotta say I love the style, yeah, um stand up and show your pants.
Speaker 2Oh wait, you don't even have to stand up.
Speaker 1These are just like shorty shorts. Look at those thighs. I know, I definitely have been a little bit more provocative, as it's getting heated up. Oh my gosh, you too.
Speaker 2Yeah, I need to go shopping.
Speaker 1I think we both need to go shopping. I found it a little bit tricky in pittsburgh to find some like hot spots. You're gonna have to like maybe we'll do a little google search, like yeah, drop the hot spots in the comments below, please, but you've never dabbled in the lady pond right.
Speaker 1Oh, happy pride month, guys. We are excited to celebrate at the pittsburgh pride parade. We will definitely be with Studio Raw and we're excited to, just you know, celebrate the whole entire month. Not to mention, kelly is going to be Dirty 3. Dirty 3 coming up, june 4th, baby, the Twin Flames will be out. We're going to try to do a little pool party.
Speaker 2I know you're thinking like 23, but like, actually I'm gonna be 33 I know, isn't that crazy so crazy um I'm really trying to get you on to the b.
Speaker 1You know, maybe a little do mix up right here, but she's strictly dickly. So you got that right. Yeah, we're gonna try. But you know, you never know, if she get a little couple more Palomas in her we might get a little mix up. But you've never dabbled in the Lady Ponder right.
Speaker 2Maybe a few more drinks and I might make.
Speaker 1We are excited to do a little. Mocktails are Messy. Moment, moment, moment, yeah, moment. And this is Mocktails are Messy with Withco Cocktails, thank. And this is Mocktails Are Messy with Withco Cocktails.
Speaker 2Thank you for listening. This is Kelly Msgorski.
Speaker 1And.
Speaker 2Ryan Frankowski Cheers, cheers.
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